January 1, 2021

Introvert or Extrovert? It’s Okay to be Both.

By Phoebe Spar

“Would you rather stay in or go out tonight?” 

All my life, I would have chosen to go out without hesitation. Ever since I got to college, however, that has changed. Allow me to explain…

As the only girl among four brothers, I have always been surrounded by constant noise and commotion. I remember the early morning giggles of my little brother getting ready for hockey tournaments and the late-night whispers of my older brothers with girls that they weren’t supposed to have over. Growing up, I never missed a beat; this was just the norm that came with a big family. As I watched my siblings’ social lives blossom, I felt pressured to keep up. 

It is safe to say that I took advantage of going out in high school. And by going out, I mean huddling in the same sweaty basement, with the same ten friends every weekend. Without a doubt, I identified as an extrovert. I loved my friends, I loved my family, I loved horseback riding, and on top of it all, I was still able to be successful in school. 

In high school, there was a negative connotation associated with being an introvert. People believed introverts were undoubtedly boring, bland, and probably not down for a good time. In all honesty, I thought that about introverts too; at the time, I definitely didn’t want to be one. 

When I arrived at U of M, I was able to fill my first few weeks with meeting new people, getting to know the campus, and exploring Ann Arbor. I was happy – it felt like not much changed, and my schedule was packed with socially distanced meetings and zoom discussions. 

As my days calmed down and COVID picked up, I found myself floating in hours of free time. I expected myself to be bored, upset and longing for the normal college experience that was stripped from me. To my surprise, I realized that I was cherishing all of the independence. I actually found myself choosing “me time” over going to a frat party that shouldn’t have even been happening in the first place. There was no FOMO or regret, only self-growth. I used these moments to reflect on my schoolwork, to check in with home friends and family, and binge The Queen’s Gambit and Dawson’s Creek. I enjoyed spending time with me. 

When forced to go into lockdown back in March, my extroverted self was a mess. I didn’t know how I would be able to go so long without my friends, without school, and without being able to leave my house. Even with my crazy family of five that I love so much, I felt isolated and lonely. The thought of doing work and everyday tasks alone was daunting to me. 

If I have learned anything from my months in quarantine and abnormal first semester, it is that we cannot neglect our discomfort in the unknown. Rather, we must embrace it – we cannot shy away from our fear simply because it feels scary.  

I was never the type of person that could confidently go and get coffee alone. Now, I am constantly pushing myself out of my comfort zone, and am feeling content, and honestly excited, to run errands by myself. I am learning new things about myself every day that I would have never known if I had continued to spiral from one social event to the next.

College and COVID have taught me that it is okay to want to be alone. It is also okay to be an introvert and an extrovert. I happily identify as both.