Emotional Processing: Let’s Talk Anger
April 30, 2024
Writer: Helen Hannan
Editor: KayLynn Young
How do I deal with anger? The answer: not well. Well, let’s say I’m improving. Looking back on my twenty years of life, though, I’m approaching an impressive 1:1 ratio of broken phones to years lived while keeping a running tally of memories of myself I’d rather forget. As a young woman, the reality of my temperament feels nothing short of embarrassing. I’m supposed to be naive and happy — saccharine, even. Why do I feel so out of control of my emotions? It’s even more confusing, then, that I consider myself a relatively happy person. The phrase “seeing red” sounds like a hyperbole — a literary embellishment — until you realize that you can be triggered to “see red” in situations so inconsequential that you might as well be straight-jacketed for your next trip to the grocery store.
Both emotionally and physically corrosive, anger plagues so many of us, shackling our happiness, freedom, and even health. Anger can be characterized by an enormous list of behaviors and caused by an even longer one, including not just acute causes but also unresolved trauma. The physiological effects of anger, however, are quite generalizable, no matter the cause or the manifestation. Numerous studies have shown that persistent, long-term anger puts us at higher risk for heart disease and stroke, with women bearing an even larger social and health burden1-3. The question then becomes: how can we better control our anger for both our emotional and physical well-being?
It’s certainly not easy, it’s not remedied quickly, and it requires continuous commitment. The first step truly is acceptance. And, no, acceptance is not a resignation to the idea that you are innately angry and that’s just the way you’re always going to have to live. Acceptance quells some of the negative self-talk and allows a space for grace for yourself to flourish. I have accepted in the last few years that I default to this quick-to-anger coping mechanism, and it has given me the opportunity to actually take steps to fix it. After acceptance, we must recognize what has gotten us here. This can involve some painful reflection that you might have put off for months or years. Meditation and journaling are powerful tools for this. For many, anger stems from a place of feeling misunderstood. Share this with someone you trust; allow yourself to be witnessed, heard, and comforted. Connecting with yourself and someone else in this way can relieve you of an enormous emotional burden as well as provide you with a supportive environment. Finally, exercise is probably the most effective anger management I have come across, and there is true science behind its ability to directly reduce anger.4 Most people who know me well (as a solid selection of innocent, inanimate objects) know that hell hath no fury like Helen who hasn’t gotten her workout in.
Recognizing triggers, sharing them with others, and scheduling time to make sense of my emotions through exercise and journaling are the three invaluable action items I have taken to help me better process and filter my emotions. In doing so, I have become a better friend to myself and others, and I like to think that I’ve done my future self a great service in reducing my risk for any poor health caused by my unrequited love for temper tantrums.
References
Anger: Heartbreaking at any age. Harvard health publishing (2006). https://www.health.harvard.edu/heart-health/anger-heartbreaking-at-any-age
Kaway, P., Wada, K., Yamakawa, M., Koda, S., Uji, T., Oba, S., & Nagata, C. (2021). Association Between Anger and Mortality in Women and Men: A Prospective Cohort Study in a Japanese Community. Journal of women's health (2002), 30(11), 1597–1603. https://doi.org/10.1089/jwh.2020.8739
Van Doren, N., & Soto, J. A. (2021). Paying the price for anger: Do women bear greater costs?. International journal of psychology : Journal international de psychologie, 56(3), 331–337. https://doi.org/10.1002/ijop.12724
Thom, N. J., O'Connor, P. J., Clementz, B. A., & Dishman, R. K. (2019). Acute Exercise Prevents Angry Mood Induction but Does Not Change Angry Emotions. Medicine and science in sports and exercise, 51(7), 1451–1459. https://doi.org/10.1249/MSS.0000000000001922
