Not Getting What You Want is a Wonderful Stroke of Luck
November 22, 2024
Writer: Molly Fischman
Editor: Scarlett Butters
“Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.” — Dalai Llama
Though I hate to admit it, I often cherish an idealized version of my life in my mind. I always thought I knew what was best for myself; I wanted to believe I knew where I’d be happiest, like picturing myself at the perfect college or in my dream job. Having expectations can be both beneficial and detrimental—I set high standards for myself and others, yet sometimes, the bar is set too high.
A solid friend group and good grades made high school relatively easy for me. Despite a few ups and downs, life was good, and I considered myself lucky, facing little academic, social, or emotional difficulty. I expected my transition to college to be similar to my prior high school experience. However, my expectations were incorrect. While not lethal, as I live to tell the story, the compounding nature of sorority rush, complicated housing procedures, and intricate social dynamics significantly proved my expectations for college life to be false. Accepting this change was particularly challenging as an overthinker and generally anxious person. I assumed there was always a clear reason when things didn’t work out, often placing the blame on myself. I thought that whenever something went differently than expected, it was my fault.
I’ve worked hard to shift my mindset, learning to accept that when things don’t go “as planned,” there doesn’t always have to be a concrete explanation. I realized that luck plays a role—sometimes we’re lucky, sometimes we’re not, and occasionally, things just happen without reason.
I learned that holding unrealistic expectations created a longing for things I once wanted, leading to constant disappointment. I’ve started reframing my expectations, which has alleviated the emotional toll they once took. Instead of imagining how things “should be,” I approach situations with an open mind. Now, when things don’t go as planned, I can laugh them off with acceptance and resilience. Each “failure” or challenge has given me thicker skin and a more empathetic heart.
This shift in mindset has helped me see that my unmet expectations were often blessings in disguise. In the past, rejection or failure left me feeling defeated. But with time, I’ve come to see these experiences as formative, shaping who I am. Now, when things don’t go according to plan—whether it’s a rejected application, a canceled event, or a failed relationship—I try to stay open to the possibility that these setbacks may be the universe’s way of redirecting me toward something better. More often than not, it turns out to be a stroke of luck that things didn’t go as I had envisioned, even if it led me somewhere I never thought I would go. I embrace the unpredictability of life and the pendulum of luck.
Image: Leighton Gray
