Protecting Your Peace While Keeping the Peace
October 18, 2024
Writer: Miranda Jefferds
Editor: Tessa Tacoma
As the youngest in my family, observing, analyzing, and problem-solving is in my nature. The role of “peacekeeper” was one I assumed within my family since as early as I can remember. Uncomfortable with confrontation, I often worked to mediate any drama, no matter my involvement. Yet anytime I was faced with conflict, heat would rise to my cheeks and anxiety overwhelmed me. The incessant need to fix problems, heal feelings, and save the day characterized me as a people pleaser who hated difficult situations.
Often this role of “peacekeeper” would come at the expense of myself; to protect other peoples’ feelings and ensure people “liked me": I would sacrifice my own feelings. As I entered into more complex relationships and friendships, I felt like keeping the peace evolved into the repression of my own opinions, experiences, and values. At the cost of mitigating conflict, I found it much easier to agree with others or tell them what they wanted to hear. This conformity essentially led to me having no backbone. My ideas and self were silenced; I lost my vibrancy and uniqueness.
What I didn’t realize was that not only was this bad for my own health, but also detrimental to the other party. Honesty and authenticity, though sometimes difficult, often lead to the peaceful ending much faster than acting as an echo chamber would. Telling someone what they want to hear all the time will never resolve the conflict; it will only prolong it by ignoring the root of the problem. Over time, I began to understand that although being a peaceful and selfless person is incredibly important, the expression of one’s opinion and preferences can take precedence.
Internalizing this has been incredibly freeing. My prioritization of authenticity has not only allowed me to have better, more meaningful relationships with others, it has also allowed me to explore my own individuality, personal values, and sense of self. Without the pressure of worrying if people will still like me, I have been able to truly find out what I believe and how I want to live. This self-acceptance has noticeably and subconsciously changed the people in which I surround myself. I choose to be around those who not only accept me exactly as I am, but also appreciate the opinions I bring to the table.
Now when I am faced with conflict, I don’t shy away. Although I still strive to stay out of drama, I know that the best way to approach situations is with honesty. Not relinquishing my own opinions and beliefs, while maintaining grace and kindness, has been the best lesson I have learned in the past few years. In order to protect the peace around you, it’s necessary to protect yours first. Don’t forget that you are not just a supplement to someone else; you are a priority.
Image: Julia Bonanno
