Tuning Out Tunes
December 1, 2023
Writer: Anushi Varma
Editor: Jessica Isser
I grew up listening to a somewhat atypical combination of music in my household: classical music and Bollywood. My music interests originated from my parents’ and then became the foundation of my playlists for much of my early adolescence. Privately, I enjoyed listening to the music that I’d heard my parents play while cooking or driving. I felt secure wrapped up in this world of music I had inherited from my family.
When I entered high school, I quickly noticed that many of my friends, and what seemed like the majority of students at my school, listened to a lot of similar artists, songs, and genres of music. Mainly rap. The at-times seemingly incomprehensible lyrics went entirely over my head in comparison to the lyrical music I was so accustomed to. I felt like a foreigner for not sharing a similar music taste with my friends; I felt awkward when I was unable to recognize popular artists or songs when they came on at hang-outs, and, most of all, I felt insecure about the music I liked. If my friends didn’t understand the appeal behind the music I enjoyed, and I didn’t understand the appeal behind the music that my friends enjoyed, then something must be off about me.
So I took on a new mission: I began listening to the music my friends were listening to. I pushed through albums that people really liked so the next time someone played or talked about a popular song I could also chime in with the same enthusiasm and confidence. It was validating to see my friends nod in approval and express excitement toward me because of a common interest in music. Just by knowing the words to or even the name of a popular song, I felt so much more like I fit into place.
As great as this seemed, trying to transform my music interest wasn't a strong long-term plan. I added songs into my playlist that I couldn’t even bear to listen to enjoyably for more than 30 seconds. At the end of the day, I wanted to go back to the comfort of my favorite songs, even if they weren’t anyone else’s favorite. The lyrics and instrumentals of my most cherished songs were more meaningful to me than any song I had to force myself to listen to for the sake of feeling like I was fitting in. Leaving my small town bubble and moving onto a college campus helped me to embrace my personal music taste because I felt encouraged to learn about and listen to new music artists courtesy of many of my college friends. There were so many genres, artists, albums, and songs to explore: limiting myself to whatever was currently trending no longer made any sense to me.
Developing my own music taste has been a deeply complex journey for me. Resisting the influence of my friends and mainstream culture, I now focus on indulging in artists and genres that make me feel the most like myself: songs that get stuck in my head, lyrics that I murmur to myself while doing homework, melodies which remind me of home. I’ve learned and experienced that, ironically, music is so expressive and yet somewhat conformist. There is an underlying pressure to listen to and share music that is “approved” by one’s friends and community in order to feel accepted. However, music is a choice we make to emphasize and embolden our individuality and, therefore, private listening should not be subject to the judgment of a greater community. Feel pride, not shame, in the music you enjoy — embrace the music that makes you feel the most alive.
