Being a Woman in a Man’s World
April 11th, 2025
Writer: Auburn Marriott
Editor: Tessa Tacoma
I attempt to live a life with no regrets because everything that has happened to me has led me to this present moment. My Grandfather has said this phrase to me my entire life, but sometimes life presents events we feel should never happen. I was part of a varsity men's rowing team in high school as the coxswain, “the smaller person in the front of the boat who yells at everyone.” While it is an empowering position from the outside, this environment destroyed my esteem for years beyond repair. My self-worth and confidence were shattered to the point of being unfixable. However, my Grandfather was right, and everything they said and put me through led me to the best time of my life, filled with an unfathomable amount of love.
I was a competitive gymnast for a large part of my childhood in California, but an injury ended my career when I was 13. I was an active teen and decided to join a rowing team. As a 5’4 woman competing against six-foot women, the coach trained me as a coxswain rather than a rower. I was quickly recruited to the more competitive men's team. At first, the boys and coaches were supportive, as I was the only girl on this team with twenty boys. But, as the race season approached, I started receiving comments about my body from the teenage boys and my coaches. I was “too big” and “needed to lose weight to compete” because coxswains had to weigh under 120 pounds with a goal weight of 115 pounds. Being a 14-year-old girl surrounded by these comments five days a week for hours at a time slowly tore me down and made me despise my reflection.
I was a perfectly healthy girl who quickly began destroying myself every day for months. Regionals soon approached, and after months of being mentally persecuted about my size, it was time for weigh-in. I wanted to weigh in by myself because I was terrified of being above 115 pounds. Instead, all of the boys and coaches came with me. Fourteen-year-old Auburn had to weigh in front of all these men who laughed when they saw my weight. I will never forget the moment when I saw the number at exactly 115 pounds, and being told I should have tried harder. Later that day, my boat became the regional champion, but I had no happiness or pride because all I could hear was their laughter at my body.
I continued rowing for a year and a half until I quit at 16. This was a catalyst for change in my life. I graduated high school a year and a half early, went to a junior college for two years, left my terrible boyfriend, and transferred to Michigan in the Fall of 2024. My Grandfather never doubted it would work out for me.
While being at Michigan, I have discovered this new feeling of overwhelming self-love and confidence. I have surrounded myself with some of the best people in my life who have helped teach me about how to have a healthy relationship with myself. I had to change my environment and the people I was around to learn how to love myself.
I empathize with my 15-year-old self, but I am now grateful for the experiences. If I had never had such negative experiences, I would never have been able to appreciate the overwhelmingly positive and healthy environment I am in now. My Grandfather loves me unconditionally and sees me through a lens of pride. I now understand and feel that confidence, and finally believe him when he says everything happens for a reason, because it genuinely does.
