It’s Their First Time Living Too
April 12, 2024
Writer: Miranda Jefferds
Editor: Anna Pierson
Assuming the role of “peacekeeper” within my family, friendships, and relationships is not foreign to me. I have always understood the weight of the word “sorry,” often being the first to say it as well as the first to accept it from others. Although this used to manifest itself as me being a pushover, I have learned to hold others accountable while still giving them the grace and forgiveness I hope others would lend to me. After all, it is their first time living too.
Oftentimes we make snap judgments, biases, or opinions about others and their actions, asking: “Why would they do that?” or “Did they not know that could hurt me?” I used to ask the very same questions every time I felt I had been wronged in some way, immediately placing the blame on others. During my senior year, I had one of those days where everything went wrong: I was overwhelmed by school, hungry, and most importantly, hurt by the relationships in my life. Amongst the chaos of senior year emerged turmoil within my friend group, relationship anxiety natural for a soon-to-be broken up couple due to college, and tension with my parents about the end of the school year. Coming home from school that day, all I wanted to do was sit in my bed and relax; my mother, on the other hand, wanted to discuss my plans for the summer. Naturally, I was not quite as eager to discuss as she was, and a fight ensued. Storming towards my room, I asked the classic questions in my head, obviously propagated by teenage angst: “Why didn’t she understand?”
Later that day, I came across a quote while scrolling through TikTok: “It’s their first time living too.” Although this may seem trivial and obvious, it struck me. I realized that even as I tried to be empathetic, I had neglected to consider that it was also my mother’s first time on Earth; she was not all-knowing and I could not expect her to be perfect. Once I understood this, I began to practice forgiveness and understanding, lending grace to situations I prematurely made judgments about. I now try to view tense situations like a 3rd party, stripping my perspective of any bias and allowing myself to understand their side before responding. This shift in mentality has allowed me to live more freely; It is easier for me to forgive, and I can now let go of unnecessary resentment that used to build up from my stubbornness.
As I’ve matured, I recognize that though this forgiveness is necessary, maintaining accountability is too. Now working to respond to a difficult situation, I try to dissect not only my feelings, but the other parties’ true intentions without solely relying on how it made me feel. This way, I can decide if I need to have a conversation with them about what happened and why it made me feel the way it did. By approaching the situation rationally, both forgiveness and accountability can occur. Lending grace in these situations has ultimately made me more emotionally mature, strengthened all of my relationships, and helped cultivate a healthy group of people to surround myself with. By working to diversify my perspective, I have henceforth expanded my understanding of the people around me. After all, it’s their first time living too.
