The Influence of “Thank You”
November 23, 2022
Writer: Zoe Sinkford
Editor: Lexie Meltzer
Simply knowing I have people to rely on has been able to get me through more hard times than I can count. Recently, my mom came down to visit me on campus. It was a very spontaneous decision: one day she was at home, and the next day, after a split-second decision, she was on a flight to Ann Arbor. We didn’t do much but eat, talk, and stroll through campus, but I can’t even begin to explain how grateful I am that she came to see me… it was alarming how quickly quality time with her brought me back to life. With her around, I felt a sense of ease that I had not felt in far too long. Reflecting on how thankful I was for my mom brought me to feel thankful for my other family members and social circles, and I was struck by how influential expressing gratitude can be. Feeling grateful for all the amazing people in my life sparks such an overwhelming set of emotions that truthfully makes me want to (as absurd as it may sound) cry; my body physically doesn’t know how else to express the love I have for them. Words aren’t enough.
Reflecting on how thankful I was for that weekend I spent with my mom compelled me to recall what a professor once taught me about the nature of gratitude. More specifically, the Dyadic Model of Gratitude. This model begins with Partner A feeling appreciated, which then causes Partner A to feel grateful. This grateful feeling leads Partner A to work on maintaining relationship satisfaction. Parter A’s effort to maintain relationship satisfaction is felt by Partner B, and they begin to feel appreciated. Feeling appreciated then causes Partner B to feel grateful for Partner A, and encourages them to also work on maintaining relationship satisfaction. In all positive relationships, gratitude stems from the symbiotic relationship of two, or more, people. When a friend or romantic partner does something for you that you appreciate, you unconsciously feel an urge to reciprocate. In a healthy relationship, this reciprocation is what drives the successive pattern of gratitude. Expressing gratitude creates a positive cycle that can be felt by all persons in the relationship.
In that same class I also learned about the find-remind-bind theory of gratitude. This theory generally states that grateful people are more thoughtful and responsive to their partner’s needs and are more committed to their relationships. I think that this lesson embodies an even more important idea: how you express gratitude matters unequivocally. Not all expressions of gratitude are perceived as equally beneficial. Even in the simplest light, just putting the “you” in “thank you” instead of saying “thanks” can make your appreciation feel exceedingly more sincere. To take this a step further, when you do something thoughtful for your partner, making the small extra effort to do something that you think would make them happy or that they would want, not simply something that you would want, may just be that extra touch that allows the sentiment of gratitude to really have an impact of their wellbeing. Expressions of gratitude should come from a genuine space, not one of resentment or guilt.
I was discussing the influence of gratitude with one of my best friends, and was instantly warmed by what she had to say. I literally had to start writing notes on my phone while she was talking because of how beautiful her analysis was. When I asked her what gratitude feels like, she told me that gratitude stabilizes her. She explained, “I have a foundation laid out for me already. The gratitude I feel, both for and from my friends, makes me feel safe to fail. It makes me want to protect them. Gratitude gives you space to step back and breathe. Feeling so grateful for someone makes you want to support them, as well as be the best you can be for them. Letting yourself appreciate people, memories, and items allows you to let love into your life; it benefits you in every way.” I once again could only muster the urge to cry in response to listening to her, and my appreciation for her grew tenfold. This entire experience attests to the positive cyclical nature of gratitude.
Gratitude is what makes us express the love and affection we hold for the people we care about. Aside from making others feel better about themselves, gratitude makes us feel better as well. Along with trust, I think gratitude is the basis of true healthy relationships, romantic and platonic. It gives us the power to positively impact our relationships, which in turn positively impacts us – gratitude gives us control. You can take authority of your life by showing care for the people you love. I can’t think of anything more beautifully complementary than that.
Works Cited:
Gordon, Amie. “Staying Together:Gratitude and Sacrifice”. The Psychology of Close
Relationships. The University of Michigan. Ann Arbor. 20 September 2022.
Lecture.
