Sending my Thoughts to Voicemail
November 27, 2023
Writer: Brooke Edelman
Editor: Grace Dietlein
“Okay, have you thought about it yet?” is almost always immediately followed with, “I have to go; I’m sorry, I can’t think about this right now.” But truthfully, I don’t have anywhere to be. I just want to escape this conversation.
“When are we going to talk about it?”I just can’t talk about it, and I’m not sure I’m ready to face it. “Uh— soon?”
What is “it?” My thoughts.
There are things in life that require a lot of thought: your future, what you want to be when you grow up, or even your most recent drama. The list goes on. While I postpone any of these seemingly never-ending decisions until further notice, my parents continue to do their job of guiding me to make the best choices for myself (thanks, guys), and the people around me continue to wonder the same questions.
But to be quite honest, I just don’t want to talk about it. As my parents often remind me, I need to put some energy into thinking about these things. Life moves on because we let it, each day. Eventually, my decisions will take effect in my life.
I do think about these decisions, I just don’t like verbalizing them. Once they’re spoken of aloud, it feels as though I’m making a commitment to them. I don’t want to make a promise to my future self that I’m not sure I can fulfill.
I’m all too familiar with (and guilty of) sending my thoughts to voicemail. I stare at the ringing phone deciding if I have the thoughts gathered to decline the call, reply with “Can I call you later?” to delay any talking about my problems to a later point, or decide if today I actually want to talk through it.
My voicemail box of ignored thoughts is nearly full, but it’s nice to know that at any given time, with a click of a button, I can call back, ready to discuss when it doesn’t seem so daunting.
Sitting down with these game-changing thoughts is intimidating. But, I’m working on it. And although I’m one of the most indecisive people I know, I won’t stop ruminating until I am content with the decision made. I will continue to give my thoughts the attention they deserve. The beauty of voicemail is that we can listen to what we want to talk about, and call back whenever we are ready to finish that conversation. Most people in your life are typically one call away, and I like to think your decisions are, too.
I know that following through with calling a thought back is much easier said than done. But I have also learned that after listening to that voicemail a few times, you can allow your mind to come to a decision with effortful thought, and you will want to call back. There is no better feeling than knowing you are doing what is best for you. Pressing “call” with pride and sometimes fear of what is about to come next is vital for growth.
When life calls, I urge you to accept and talk about what’s on your mind. Explore what your thoughts have in store for you. Yet, I also understand that if you’re like me, you think best when your thoughts are sent to voicemail. And before you hang up on yourself, promise one thing: you’ll return to this voicemail when you’re ready to give a call back.
