How “Hello Hayes” Friendship Theory Changed The Game
February 9, 2024
Writer: Chloe Zeldin
Editor: Lily Miro
I hate to be the one to break it to you, but you are probably thinking about friendships wrong. I was too, until I stumbled upon a theory that provides an incredibly effective framework for maintaining friendships as the relationship and people involved inevitably change and grow. “Hello Hayes”, a content creator I discovered on TikTok, has developed a theory entitled “the six besties theory”. What is this theory? Let’s dive into it.
The six besties theory holds that each friend can be put into one of six bestie categories: the North Star bestie, OG bestie, bestie who would hide a dead body for you, work bestie, seasonal bestie, and the good time bestie. Hayes explains how the North Star bestie aligns with the standard definition of the ultimate best friend; they make you feel more like yourself, there’s no pressure in the relationship, and they are always there to guide you home. This bestie type is the one that tends to cause the most problems, because people often miscategorize friends as a North Star bestie when they are not, which results in unrealistic expectations.
Then there is the OG bestie. Think of your old childhood friends, or friends from high school. These are the friends that know your upbringing and your background, the friends that really know your story. Oftentimes, these are past North Star besties– people who used to be your guiding light, and then as time passed, maybe you grew apart naturally or now live in different parts of the country. When a North Star bestie is no longer a North Star bestie, it’s easy to just assume that the friendship is over, but it does not always have to be that way. The transition from a North Star bestie to an OG bestie is super common, and being able to understand that shift enables you to keep the friendship and reframe expectations for them to match a new reality.
The kind of friend that never judges you for your mistakes and will go miles to justify your behavior, is the bestie who would help you hide a dead body, no questions asked. This is a true ride or die. You may not talk everyday, or even every week, but that never changes the lengths this friend would go for you. Everyone could use this kind of bestie, and an OG bestie or North Star bestie can also be this kind of bestie.
The work bestie, seasonal bestie, and good time bestie fall into the same category essentially. These friendship types are never permanent or ultimate, but having these besties is important. The work bestie is self-explanatory; your bestie at work! Who wants to go to work if you don’t have a work bestie? The seasonal bestie is someone you bond with because you are going through a shared experience; maybe you are both applying to grad school, or both going through a breakup. These types of friends are integral to feeling supported and understood when going through different seasons of your life that not everyone is going through. The good time bestie can sometimes cause issues because people often mistake good time besties for different types of besties that fall into a different expectation category. It is completely life-changing to come to terms with the fact that it is possible to have friends that are simply just fun to be around but maybe can’t fulfill other needs These friends are often the ones you go to when you need to forget about the serious parts of life, and just let loose, but they are not always the most reliable or vulnerable with their emotions. I don’t mean this in a judgemental way, or a negative way– it is awesome to have fun friends you can always count on for a laugh!
The six besties theory has changed my life. I now have proper expectations for my friendships that match reality, and am able to allow the states of my friendships to be fluid. The biggest mistake you can make is to misunderstand a friendship for what it is. Once you embrace this framework and accept friendships for what they are, you will feel more fulfilled than ever before in your friendships.
