The Mr. Big Paradox
April 22, 2024
Writer: Chloe Pehote
Editor: Lily Hutchinson
On the first warm day of the semester, I skipped class and spent the afternoon at a patio table with a few of my housemates. At the time, I was brainstorming article pitches while conversing with the group about my plans. Amidst my brainstorming, one of the girls interjected with a comment that inspired the article you are about to read.
The comment in question? “Chloe, you are so Carrie Bradshaw-coded.”
Unbeknownst to this friend, I had spent the last several months binge-watching the cult-classic television series “Sex and the City,” and more recently had been trying to find a way to watch the second movie from some sketchy website, considering it's unfortunate and premature removal from (HBO) Max.
The show has become my latest obsession, serving as my entertainment, fashion inspiration, and a topic of conversation among my friends and me. Our discussions often revolve around our favorite moments, the best and worst romantic relationships for each leading girl, and our favorite character and why.
Many times, these discussions circle back to the same topic: the longest-lasting and most focal relationship of the entire franchise, Carrie Bradshaw and Mr. Big. Introduced in the first episode, John James Preston is immediately coined as Mr. Big by Carrie for being “a major tycoon, major dream boat, and majorly out of Carrie's league.” From the moment they collide on the street, Carrie is enamored with his mysterious disposition, and the pair find themselves in the original on-again-off-again relationship.
Based on this description, one may assume that Carrie and Big had an immediate soul-tie connection. Some may guess that right from the beginning they were infatuated with each other– that they were the perfect pair, the ideal romance--but they would be wrong. In reality, Mr. Big kind of sucks.
Compared to Carrie’s hopeless romantic ideology, Big has difficulty being vulnerable in the relationship. He constantly disappoints her with his inability to be vulnerable, lack of compassion, and avoidant attachment style. Time and time again Carrie is heartbroken by Big, yet she is so willing to justify all of his bad behavior and forgive him, despite the implications for others and her well-being.
You, along with many others, may be wondering WHY? Why does Carrie spend years chasing after Big despite the little he gives her? After all, it would be so much easier to give up and find the love she deserves, right?
Sure, objectively, it would save Carrie a lot of drama, heartache, and disaster to let Mr. Big go and find someone who matches her expectations and energy. But, honestly, I don’t think that's how a lot of people function, especially in college.
The “Mr. Big Paradox,” or the mirroring of Carrie’s rationale behind chasing after Big for so long, is a phase that I have witnessed, executed, and experienced more often than many other relationship archetypes in my time at college. It isn’t necessarily something that can be explained or justified; rather, it is an emotional compulsion driven by adrenaline and the desire for passion.
It’s the enjoyment behind “the chase,” relishing in the good moments, and justifying the bad. It is waiting for a text back, conversations with friends filled with “maybes,” “what ifs,” and “buts.” Is it immature? Most definitely. Nonetheless, it feels like a rite of passage. It teaches people about how much of themselves they are willing to give, emotional intelligence, and quite honestly how to hold their own.
So while our Mr. Bigs may not be moody white-collar tycoons, they still have that fantastical allure. Perhaps they’re a forbidden romance? A guy friend? Or maybe a frat boy with forty-five other Carrie Bradshaws to choose from. It’s crazy, but in reality, men like Big have this sense of mystery that suggests a uniqueness about them; they feel unattainable, so we spend so much time trying to defy all odds and “win them,” even if deep down, we know that it will probably never happen.
So from the other side of the screen, it’s easy to cast stones at Carrie for chasing after her Mr. Big. But when I think about some of my past situationships, or the conversations that my friends and I have after a weekend out, or even the way influencers talk about the men in their lives, I think that we all might be a little bit more guilty of falling victim to the Mr. Big Paradox than we care to admit.
