I’m Every Woman
March 14th, 2025
Photo: Ryan Carter
Writer: Chloe Pehote
Editor: Emily Cavero
I imagine that if I were to sit down for a conversation with my younger self, she would be surprised by a lot of elements in my current life. Be it that the emo phase was temporary or that I had not ended up at a college hundreds of miles away from my hometown, it is quite fascinating to see what time and perspective are capable of as life goes on. Beyond catching up with her, and telling her not to get that split dye hair cut, I would want to assure her that she will eventually find out exactly who she is: A combination of every woman who came before her.
I bet young Chloe would probably roll her eyes at this comment. Not only because it is pretty corny but also because I was infatuated with the idea of individuality from the ages of fourteen through eighteen. This was not in the stereotypical “pick me” way, but more in the sense that I was so obsessed with trying to exemplify what made me so unique and interesting. I imagine I was quite annoying to be around, not only because I eagerly wanted to be different, but also because my attempts likely came off as extremely ingenuine.
I now realize that my mindset during my early adolescence was heavily influenced by the “not like other girls” phenomenon that often circulates on social media. The pressure of consumer culture and lingering effects of misogyny led me to believe that our value is tied to how “unique” we were compared to other women. I fell into the trap of thinking that my worth was connected to competing with other women, both online and in real life. Although the ways this insecurity displayed itself in my life changed over time, I believe it still affects a profuse amount of women across all ages, especially within digital spaces.
In recognition of this, I have come to understand that this individualism epidemic is further exasperated by the negative perceptions associated with female-dominated spaces. Be it jokes about sororities, teasing that “they need to compete for the attention of mediocre men”, or the numerous other ways we nitpick at feminine behaviors and interests, we women feel the need to justify our involvement with these associations to avoid being labeled with the unfavorable stereotypes stamped upon them. Suddenly, it feels as though many women are fighting uphill battles against not only the judgment of society but one another just as well.
I propose that, to combat this, we must think less about how different we are from one another, and instead dedicate time to cherishing how we share so much with other women from all walks of life. Rather than viewing each other as competition or a means to prove your “greater sense” of femininity, why not revel in how we can learn and grow from other women? Be it a fleeting encounter, a lifelong friendship, a familial role model, or a complex relationship, why not view every woman as an opportunity to learn, adapt, and change to become a better and more robust version of yourself?
A few years out of my desperate individuality stint, I know now that the best parts of myself are the traits that I have adapted from the various inspirational women in my life. I experience great joy in meeting women whom I can connect with based on interests, shared spaces, and physical resemblance, and I no longer feel the need to prove myself beyond these similarities to justify my likeness. Both physically and emotionally, I know that I am far more similar to the women that I have encountered over my lifetime than different, and that is a personal achievement that I am greatly proud of.
