Big Busted Girl In A Small Busted World
October 31, 2022
Writer: Libby Zufi
Editor: Zoe Harris
From the time I was just 14 years old, I have constantly been reminded that my petite frame does not align with my busty chest. People would tell me I had the “ideal hourglass figure” and I won't lie, for a while, this boosted my confidence. Slowly, though, I began to feel weighed down by the downsides of having larger breasts.
I grew tired of hearing how “lucky” I was because, in reality, I did not feel lucky at all. I was struggling to find tops, dresses and bathing suits that didn't make me look like a porn star, and my back was beginning to hunch from the weight of my breasts. Shopping should have been a fun weekend activity, but, instead, it was stressful. I could never fit into the tiny tops that boutiques had to offer, or order any clothes online without the lingering expectation that I would have to return everything. By high school, the prospect of finding a prom dress terrorized me, and the dissapointment of being unable to wear a TRIANGL bikini, like the other girls on spring break, consumed me. If I wanted to look "appropriate" as a teenager, I needed to find clever ways to hide my body while still trying to feel good about my appearance: there was no glamor to it.
I knew most girls my age dealt with their own forms of insecurities and body dysmorphia, but I felt isolated in my own body in a way my friends could not understand. Something as simple as going on a walk was filled with embarrassment when my Lululemon tank top gave off seductive undertones, instead of the athleisure vibe my friends could easily pull off. Rigorous exercising was nearly impossible and was made even harder when I had to squeeze into a corset-like sports bra just to go on a jog. It was exhausting.
I began to believe the best way to shrink my chest size was to alter my diet. I developed a severe eating disorder in middle school, and it wasn’t until my sophomore year of high school, during COVID, when I was diagnosed with OCD and anxiety—the triggers of my anorexia. While I was secretly starving myself in hopes that my boobs would shrink, the fact is, I was malnourished and my body was holding onto whatever I did have. My chest did not get smaller; instead, I was causing my vital organs to shut down. After a brief stint in the hospital during my recovery process, I started taking medication that made my chest grow significantly larger until, again, I was extremely uncomfortable in my body.
By my senior year of high school, it reached a point where I had to drive an hour away to find a bra that fit me (and let me tell you, the selection size was still quite small). The memory of walking out of the dressing room and telling my mom that the bra I was trying on was, once again, too small still lingers in the back of my mind. The trip ended with me getting into the car in a foul mood after buying bras that only emphasized my overwhelming feelings of being disproportionate and entrapped in my own body.
My parents never wanted my outfits to be “inappropriate” or “provocative” when I was actually just wearing the exact same clothing as the other girls my age. The comments of being told to “cover up” by adults only isolated me more when I couldn’t feel appropriate in anything other than a baggy t-shirt. Boys in my class would sexualize me and make comments about my big chest behind my back, diminishing my confidence and creating shame around something that I could not control. By the end of high school, my chest seemed to be the only physical image that defined me. I viewed my body as an object for others opinions, rather than an embodiment of the strong and confident woman I knew I was.
This summer, I was fortunate enough to have a breast reduction. This life-changing surgery is one that is not talked about often, yet it’s one that receives one of the highest patient satisfaction rates. I have found that my mental health has fundamentally increased and I can now walk with a sense of pride about how I look. While I believe that happiness comes from within, in my case, my happiness needed a little push on the outside to really grow on the inside. Although this surgery changed my physical appearance, I had to learn to change the way I internally viewed my body and self-worth. I slowly began to realize that my happiness should not revolve around a physical characteristic, but rather about the qualities and characteristics that make up who I am. An early blossoming caused me to face a lot of challenges, but overcoming these challenges, in turn, caused me to bloom.
Through this experience, I have become much more open about my personal experiences of previously possessing large breasts, and have found that this vulnerability has led to a deeper connection to other girls who can relate to this niche reality. In this new era of openness and expression, it’s important to create a positive discussion around the topic of breast reductions, as they provide comfort and a newfound sense of confidence to those who get or hope to have one in the future. I, and so many other young women you likely know, can finally enjoy this simple ‘normalcy’ in life. I can now embrace being a content, comfortable, and confident small-busted girl, but it’s up to all of us to change the stigma of a small-busted only world.
