But Would You Take It All?
November 8, 2023
Writer: Chloe Zeldin
Editor: Chloe Cardello
She has the straightest hair – I wish mine were like that. Oh, her boyfriend is so affectionate in public – I wish mine were like that. Her group of friends looks so fun– I wish I had a group like that.
It is so easy to get wrapped up in what you envy about other people and their lives, especially with social media enabling you to see only the best parts. Jealousy is timeless. It is powerful – it elicits emotions of anger, helplessness, resentment, inadequacy... These emotions can feel overwhelming and all-consuming. When you spend time wishing that you and your life are more like that of others and spend time sitting with these ugly feelings, it can be destructive to both your self-esteem and your sense of gratitude. Jealousy is essentially the antithesis of gratitude – it often makes you forget all that you are grateful for about yourself and your life and pushes you to hyperfixate on everything that you wish you had.
You may be wondering why I’m writing about a problem that does not really seem to have a clear solution – why am I so interested in and passionate about jealousy, and why do I have so much to say about it? I have gone through periods of time overrun by jealousy. I have gone through periods of time that could be characterized by a wandering eye, as I constantly looked at what I would want that other people have and what I wish were better or different about myself.
A time that stands out to me, in particular, is when I was first starting my freshman year of college; I was constantly jealous of everyone who immediately had friends, had the cutest gameday fits, and had the perfect dorm decor… basically, I was jealous of all the girls who looked like they had it all figured out. In retrospect, obviously, nobody had it “all figured out” during their freshman year of college. But everyone tried to make it look that way. I think I wasted a lot of time feeling jealous of what other people had established instead of focusing on establishing a life for myself and feeling grateful for my own experience.
My freshman year of college is just one example of a time jealousy influenced my thoughts and how I lived; there are many others. I knew that this was not a sustainable way to live. I knew that if I wanted to feel content, I had to figure out a way to manage the jealousy that I was feeling. It’s difficult to manage a feeling when it is so natural; jealousy really is something that is normal to experience on microlevels and sometimes can lead to positive outcomes by serving as a motivator to learn more about what you want in life; but when left unchecked, jealousy can ruin a lot.
Now, every time I feel myself becoming jealous or starting to slip into jealousy-oriented thought patterns, I ask myself a very specific and important question (the question that this whole article is about): “But would you take it all?” What do I mean by that? Well, when you wish you had certain aspects of somebody else’s life, appearance, or personality, you are thinking about specific things. BUT you most likely would not want to give up everything you have for what someone else does. It really is everything or nothing because humans are a package deal - they come with the good, the bad, and the in-between. You can’t pick and choose different attributes you want and do not want and take them on and off like pieces of clothing. There will be parts of other people that maybe you don’t love. SO, the next time you look at someone and wish you had something they have, ask yourself if you would take it all – because you probably wouldn’t, and there is perhaps a lot about yourself that you would not want to give up.
Image: Chloe Sinel
