Sorry, I Had My Headphones In
January 15, 2023
Author: Molly Fischman
Editor: Ava Tomlin
Despite the University of Michigan housing around 44,800 students, all I can hear is my music. My playlists mask any outside noise; Taylor Swift, Bruce Springsteen, and even Hamilton create the soundtrack for my walk to class. Each morning when I leave, I throw on my backpack and pop in my earbuds—it has become second nature.
The worst thing about AirPods is how easy they are to lose. However, I have been lucky enough to make it through the past year and a half in Ann Arbor never having lost one—until last week, when I lost my left AirPod.
While it sounds silly, headphones are a massive part of the culture on campus. Walking around the Diag, it is almost impossible to see someone walking without technology in their ears. Like the general population, I constantly keep my AirPods in my pocket. Whether I am walking from class to class, or back to my house, I make sure to have a constant source of entertainment. The minute my class is over, my hand reaches for the little white case. At first, without my headphones, I felt somewhat naked. Instead of hearing my favorite artists' vocals during my walks, I focused on listening to the leaves crackle beneath my feet and the sound of the bus coming to a stop.
This led me to think more deeply about why I felt the need to constantly be listening to something. Finally, I concluded: I cannot silence the world around me, but more than that, I cannot tune out myself. I never really noticed before I lost my headphones, but I would turn my music up so loud that it canceled out the environment I was walking in. Before, I thought music was just for my enjoyment, but I began to realize that I use my headphones to avoid being alone with my thoughts.
I would distract myself from the stress of schoolwork or my social life by clicking the Spotify app. I avoided awkward run-ins and conversations with people because I had my AirPods in (code for “don’t stop and talk, just wave”). Thus, they would serve as armor shielding me from social interaction, since acquaintances or distant friends would assume I am busy. While my earbuds are great for doing homework and studying, they became a way to exit reality and dissociate from the things I didn’t want to think about or do.
Even though my missing AirPod messed up my routine, it made me more present in my daily life. I noticed my surroundings more and took in views of the trees and architecture around campus. Additionally, I paid more attention to people; I would smile at strangers and started to not avoid those run-ins in the Diag. Taking out my headphones allowed me to realize that I don’t need to distract myself from my thoughts constantly. I started to live in the moment more fully. I found that is okay to just listen to the sounds of the world, and even more than that, it is okay to be in silence.
