Lifelong Partner, or Lessons
March 6, 2023
Author: Chloe Zeldin
Editor: Chava Makman
I have never said “no” to falling in love. My journey of love has been full of heartbreak, disappointment, and, most notably, disastrous endings that have left me devastated and bruised. But, I have never said “no” to the next person that came along. I’ve always said yes, even when I was nervous or frightened of another ending. I think that especially in our late teens and early twenties, it is common for people to back out of potential relationships out of fear or insecurity. In this article, I am going to make a case for saying yes to these possibilities and taking the leap. Because, at the end of the day, you’ll either end up with a lifelong partner or with invaluable lessons that help you to better understand both the world and yourself.
I’m often being told how shocking it is that I continue to let people in after what I have experienced. My friends used to ask me, how have you not closed yourself off? Well, here is my answer: I am equally as open to having a person as I am to learning lessons. When entering a new relationship with someone, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. People avoid connections and relationships because they are scared of the possibility of hurt and failure. What people often fail to consider is that with hurt and failure comes opportunities for growth and an influx of new information about yourself.
After every failed relationship or “talking stage,” I have learned new lessons that have changed my life and how I go about my personal relationships. Through all of the tears and the questions, I have been able to understand myself in a way that I was unable to before. Throughout college specifically, I have experienced several failed connections with people that have ended in heartbreak, confusion, and disappointment. And I won’t lie– there were definitely moments where I wanted to swear off any romantic endeavors. I was exhausted by these endings and broken promises. But after each experience, I reflected on what went wrong and realized that every so-called failure taught me distinct lessons, each one different from the last. I have changed for the better each time. I am better for knowing that I am somebody who prioritizes communication. I am better for knowing I value shared morals. I always learn, taking the lessons with me into my next romantic endeavor.
It was September 23rd of 2022, on a Friday evening when a boy came up to me and said hello in a room on the 3rd floor of the league. He asked me to wait for him on my way out, and insisted on exchanging information. Before I knew it, we were laughing and drinking coffee. I looked down at the table, and saw all of his cards laid out before me. Nothing hidden. That terrified me. I knew so deeply that if I were to keep saying yes, I would fall, and maybe I wouldn’t be able to get back up. I was so scared of heartbreak that I almost called the whole thing off. But, I could not ignore how this person made me laugh, and the oddly unique similarities we shared that made me confident we would be a great match. So, despite my doubts and fears, I let myself fall in love. I knew that if it did not work, I would just learn even more about myself and life generally. 5 months later, we have plane tickets booked to visit each other’s hometowns in May. If I never leaned into the idea that connecting would either lead to a lifelong partner or valuable lessons, I would have never fallen for the person who has finally shown me healthy love for the very first time.
So, what am I trying to say? Say yes. Say yes to the first date, say yes to being vulnerable, say yes to your intuition. It will never be a waste to fall for someone, or to at least try. You deserve the chance to have a person, and to learn more about yourself on the way to meeting them. Give that to yourself.
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