Keeping the Holidays Happy
November 21, 2022
Writer: Maureen Diehl
Editor: Alex Vena
The holidays are a time of preparation. We buy gifts months in advance, plan the perfect outfit for each occasion, and wake up early to make a meal that’ll take 12 hours to cook. It’s a labor of love that most of us spend our whole year looking forward to. That is, until just as everything seems to be going according to plan, someone at the table suddenly brings up a topic of contentious conversation.
Nosey aunts insist on inquiring about your love life. Cousins start stirring the political pot. And for the fourth year in a row, your uncle makes a snide remark about the liberal arts degree you’ll receive in May.
These words can cause harm and make us question whether the holidays are really as joyful as we once thought they were. This season, I think we ought to prepare for the inevitable, uncomfortable conversations with as much attention to detail as we do the season’s more fun festivities.
When light-hearted chats turn into heated discussions, we have two choices: to engage in the conversation or not. Both options are just as viable and will vary based on person, place, topic, and how you’re feeling that day. The most important thing to factor in when choosing how to handle these situations is your mental wellbeing. Not only are you allowed to intentionally set boundaries with your loved ones, you absolutely should.
If you’re looking to avoid hot topics altogether, there are a few things you can do to help diffuse these situations with ease. Oftentimes, we’re unable to pivot conversations because we are caught off guard by something that gets brought up. I recommend taking time to reflect back on past experiences and give yourself an idea of who might say what. This way, you can carefully avoid certain people and plan out answers to routine questions.
It can help lessen anxiety by having more merry talking points up your sleeve, such as the weekend’s football game, upcoming vacations, or a new podcast you want to recommend. It won’t always be foolproof, but providing an answer you’re comfortable sharing and then enthusiastically pivoting the conversation elsewhere can be highly effective to avoid those long, unwanted discussions.
If you do choose to engage in what might become a more passionate or politically-charged conversation, it’s imperative to participate actively and empathetically. While there may be a difference of opinions, you owe it to whoever else is involved to hear them out. Remember that respect is subjective, so pay attention to how you’re making someone feel, whether it coincides with the intent of what you’re saying or not. Discussions are much more likely to be productive if we go into them with open minds that allow us to respond with care and caution.
As we enter the season of giving, be sure to grant yourself the time to prioritize your peace of mind, in whichever way is most effective for you. The holidays are supposed to be happy, but that doesn’t go without careful thought and preparation. Pick your battles wisely and enter these conversations with confidence, knowing that you have the tools to make this season as cheerful as it’s supposed to be.
