How to Become an Epic Conversationalist
January 20, 2023
Author: Chloe Zeldin
Editor: Alexandra Vena
As a college student, I find that much of my day is consumed by conversations. Whether it is with my classmates, friends, professors, or the cashier who takes my Starbucks order everyday, my days are usually dominated by verbal interactions. I believe conversations are an art form. A conversation can make or break somebody’s day, change somebody’s mind— the possibilities are endless. However, conversation does not come naturally to everyone; and let’s be real, not every person is easy to talk to. Still, much of your success in life comes from your ability to have memorable and productive conversations; conversations open doors. They mark the beginnings of friendships, spark romantic endeavors, land you in your dream job, and enable you to learn about yourself and others. With that, I present a comprehensive guide entitled How to Become an Epic Conversationalist.
Listen to Understand
This may seem like a given, but I mean this in a very intentional way. Your goal during a conversation should always be to listen to hear. Sometimes, it is easy to listen as preparation to respond. Every person can admit that they have sometimes listened to what somebody has said solely so they can respond and get a word in. But, what if you listen to really hear them? What if you listened to understand? When you are listening just to respond, the conversation will feel more transactional. Rather, if you are listening to hear and learn, your curiosity will compel you to ask meaningful questions that will enrich the conversation and enable it to flow more naturally.
Lean Into Curiosity
Open-ended questions are your best friend. When somebody is sharing information, more often than not, your brain will naturally curate further questions. Ask them. This does not always happen, but that’s okay; this is where you need to step into an intentionally curious mindset. It may seem very middle school, but bear with me for a second: who, what, when, where, why. “The Five W’s” will almost always lead you to an interesting question to ask, if intrinsic curiosity is failing. Asking somebody questions makes them feel that you are interested in them and listening.
PAUSE.
This is an underrated tip– pause before speaking! When somebody says something to you, you do not have to immediately respond! Silences do not always have to be awkward. Taking a pause before answering does two important things. First, it gives you a moment to think of something thoughtful to say. Second, it signals to the other person you are genuinely listening to them and that you are fully invested in the conversation and what they have to say.
Use Your Body
Oftentimes, we say more through our body language and facial expressions than our words themselves. Albert Mehrabian, a researcher of body language, found that 55% of communication is nonverbal (UT Permian Basin Online, 2020). It is important to be conscious of more than just the words coming out of your mouth. Be aware of your facial expressions. Are you making eye contact? Body language is key to appearing interested in what somebody has to say. It also is a great indicator of if you are listening and even helps you stay engaged.
At the end of the day, being an epic conversationalist is an invaluable skill, and the conversations themselves are art. Art makes people feel things. They are words thoughtfully strung together to reach a person in an intentional, or possibly unintentional, way. The underlying connotations of phrasing and tone, the hand placed on a thigh during a moment of silence that slowly seeps into a conversation when it gets too heavy for mouths to be doing all of the talking, the warmth felt inside of souls during the punchline of an inside joke… it is all so intricate and human. Conversations have the power to transform relationships and change people’s feelings. Be the person who understands the value and potential of conversations and uses it to better themselves and the world.
Sources:
How much of communication is nonverbal?: UT permian basin online. UTPB. (2020, November 3). Retrieved January 19, 2023, from https://online.utpb.edu/about-us/articles/communication/how-much-of-communication-is-nonverbal/#:~:text=The%2055%2F38%2F7%20Formula&text=It%20was%20Albert%20Mehrabian%2C%20a,%2C%20and%207%25%20words%20only.
