“The Art of Complaining”
December 12, 2022
Writer: Shelby Jenkins
Editor: Samantha Rich
The days are half as long as they were when my skin was shades darker, sunkissed with summer. The air once again feels like a freezer and my planner is full of black-inked due dates. The leaves have left the trees bare-boned and ready to hold the winter’s rain, and the crimson colors cover the sidewalks instead. I haven’t hugged my mom in weeks. I need to wash my clothes. That was supposed to be handled this weekend. I turned in that paper a minute late. Do you think my professor will care?
I could tell my friends all of this. And I do sometimes. They smile sympathetically and ask if there is anything they can do. They look up in between their own work, our tired eyes mirroring each other’s semester exhaustion. We all have mile-long to-do lists. But isn't that what we signed up for when we put down our University Michigan deposits, and committed ourselves to becoming the Leaders and Best? Nights of not enough sleep in forward of another bit of schoolwork done? An all-nighter because there is simply not enough hours in the day.. And I can hear the echo of those words imparted to me somewhere around second grade:
“If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”
I have to admit, I am not very good at following this rule. I love to complain. And why shouldn't I? Sometimes there is absolutely zero silver lining to find in the rain clouds that are turning the sky gray, and that is fine, at least for me. My favorite topic is the effects of positive toxicity on our brains. So my prescription: complain away. Get all your feelings out about that monstrous midterm sandwiched at the most inconvenient time. I’m sorry you’re not going to get the kind of learning experience you hoped out of it because of the timing! You will get absolutely nothing from keeping these feelings bottled up. You’re not a tea kettle — steam coming out your ears will do nothing helpful for you.
Of course, I pose a caveat. There can be an element of exhaustion in the act of making space for others unhappiness. It is true you do not need to be a ray of sunshine all the time. Even the sun, in all her beautiful glory, shys us away from every now and then, resting between the cloudy coverage. But when you chose not to be, make sure you are not making someone else’s sky unnecessarily gray.
I have learned this the hard way. I used to not understand why I felt so impatient and frustrated when my friends began to rant to me on whim, during study sessions when the time clock on my own essay was ticking away and my blood pressure started rising with every passing minute. I cared. I did! I felt sorry for the pressure my friends were feeling and I earnestly wished there was some way I could take some of it off their hunched shoulders. Do we not all wish that for our favorite people?
But in that moment, I could not muster more than a “mmhmm” and a head nod, holy wishing I was better at multitasking – holding a conversation while analyzing Thoreau’s time spent finding himself in the Massachusetts woods.
I think the solution is rather simple. It’s a simple act of asking beforehand:
“Can I tell you about something that is making me frustrated?
Our days are series of energy exchanges between ourselves and the people we encounter. Give yourself the space you need for conversation that may leave you feeling less than optimistic.
Photo: Ryan Hammel
