I Want To Be Your Good Time Call
October 7, 2024
Writer: Alanna Madry
Editor: Sky Friedman
I am lucky to have accumulated a wealth of precious, earnest relationships in my life thus far. Regardless of platonic, romantic, familial, or personal status each of these bonds share profound depth. They are the type of connections where it often feels more natural to reveal the most honest parts of ourselves than discuss the weather.
Subconsciously, this has been the path that nearly every relationship I have developed has followed. Inspired by my parents’ larger-than-life love for me as their daughter, all of the ‘deep meaningful convos’ I have shared with childhood and college friends alike, and my circus of extended family who treat me like their own despite our lack of blood relation, I was raised with the belief that relationships thrive with authentic devotion. With no intention of sounding egotistical, one of the most frequent flatteries I receive involves commentary on my candid and empathetic approach to relationships. That and a shocking amount of comments on how I can “make really ugly clothes look surprisingly cute.” (Thank you?)
In all seriousness, if you were to ask me what I love most about myself it would be that the people in my life characterize me as someone who would drop anything for those in a time of need. My authentic relationships are something that I never, and will never, take for granted. That being said, is it bad that I wish I could be better at meaningless interactions? Or maybe even jump to the top of my friends’ good time call list once in a while?
Particularly at a school like Michigan that normalizes social overdrive, heartfelt conversations compete against niceties over blaring music. My confidence in my abilities to comfort others or crack someone's shell can often feel useless in such socially charged spaces. Being the most outgoing person in the circle who can easily own big group interactions has never been my strong suit, despite how hard I have tried. There seems to be an ease that comes with such a role. However each time I catch myself wishing I could fall into a comfortable rhythm of small talk, or maintain a conversation without probing for a deeper connection, I feel as though I’m betraying the relationships that were not built in such a way.
I wish I could say that there is a solution I have found to this dilemma, but realistically I will be learning how to balance the line between intimacy and nonchalance for the rest of my life. The humor, honesty, and kindness that all shine when with my family, boyfriend, or friends can be ever so slightly reformatted while meeting mutual friends at Gar Bar or dancing at John Summit. In fact, the more I think about it, the sincerity I bring to interactions outside of large social settings might just be the missing piece to those socializations that feel less natural to me. Rather than checking my empathy at the door, I want to find ways that it can be mixed in between poor singing and embarrassing dancing.
If you want someone to leave the party early when you’re anxious, I’m your girl. But if you want to stay out all night, I’m learning that I can be that girl too- just in my own way.
Image: Chloe Sinel
