The Complexity That Is Anniversaries
October 11, 2023
Author: Cameron Bell
Editor: Hannah Ostfield
For most people, anniversaries are associated with joyful celebrations - relationship milestones, graduations, or weddings. But for others, anniversaries are not as bright and merry.
But, for me, the word anniversary has a negative connotation. For about seven years now, every time I hear the “a-word,” my brain jumps to the anniversary of my dad's passing which overshadows the happier ones of my mother and father.
People often neglect or choose not to speak about the duality of anniversaries. As such, when I feel that dreaded day creeping up on me, I cannot help but feel completely and utterly alone. March 1st was the worst day of the year, or at least that is what I would tell myself. I felt lost on how to approach this day as what should be a fulfilling celebration was miserably empty. You know, the pharmacy doesn’t have any cards reading something along the lines of, “I’m sorry they’re no longer with you and this day sucks.”
It has taken me a couple of years to accept that I am allowed to be sad, hurt, and upset on this day of the year, and honestly, who wouldn't be? When I wake up on March 1st, I feel a sense of existential dread. The trauma that I endured on that day seven years ago feels like it was just yesterday.
Enduring the hollow experience of anniversaries has led me to change my thought process when dealing with that day. Let yourself feel everything. No good will come out of trying to suppress the pain on a day when it feels unmanageable. Surround yourself with loved ones, put on your favorite show, get yourself a sweet treat. Do anything you can to make this day feel a little less insufferable. Ever since my dad’s passing, my family and I have tried to do something together on this day to celebrate my father’s life. Something we found to be helpful on this day was eating a home-cooked meal and going around the table remembering my dad’s life. We share some of our favorite memories with him, and with that comes an abundance of laughter, smiles, and sometimes tears. My family has tried to shift the narrative from making this day completely intolerable to making it a little less painful and a celebration of the wonderful life my father lived.
Regardless of my newfound approach to highly emotional anniversaries, it is okay to not feel okay on those days, and it is okay to have different definitions of what an anniversary should look like. It is entirely normal not to want to celebrate a day that brought forth trauma that lingers. Take the day to grieve, love, and remember. Celebrate what could have been or what may still be happening in a less cruel world. Whichever way you decide to celebrate anniversaries, whether they be cheerful and joyous or a day filled with frustration and emotional turmoil, know that you are loved and supported by those around you.
