Life as a Confrontationist
February 21, 2023
Author: Molly Fischman
Editor: Zoe Harris
I love my mom more than life itself. Not only do we look alike, have the same taste in clothing, food, and movies, but she is also my best friend. Despite these similarities, my dear mother and I could not possess more different personalities. She is an avoidant of fights and constantly fears upsetting others–she is a people pleaser with the biggest and most caring heart. Whenever I got upset or disappointed with friends and siblings, my mom would suggest that I “take the high road.”
While, in theory, the phrase seems logical, in practice it is frustrating. I do not mean that I applaud revenge or being rude. I am just not a fan of letting things fester. As an anxious person, I fear unresolved conflict. I can’t stand someone being mad at me or, vice versa, me being upset with someone else. When something feels off, it is nearly impossible for me to quiet my mind, and I truly believe it’s a part of life to have those tough conversations and face others when you may not want to. That being said, there are two ways of resolving conflict: leaving it alone or handling it head-on. As for me, I chose the latter route of going through life as a confrontationist.
Being confrontational is often seen as a negative quality. Peers and close friends have viewed me as argumentative, opinionated, and blatantly insulting. My mom has called me “too honest” and even a little brutal at times. Embracing my confrontational attitude, however, has led me to navigate the challenging aspects of growing up. Whenever a friend is stuck in a tricky situation, I am always the go-to person to acknowledge how they feel and “craft the text.” I have trained myself to communicate my feelings instead of suppressing them. By doing so, I have even grown closer to friends and family after telling them when they have done something upsetting or bothersome. While the moment is uncomfortable, I have learned that the important people in my life will appreciate and admire my willingness to fix a tough situation. I have become more confident by being confrontational and fearlessly pointing out what I think is wrong.
On the other hand, however, after sharing close quarters with a roommate last year, now living in a sorority house with sixty other girls, and just by going through college itself, I have taken “the high road” much more frequently. This past year-and-a-half has taught me that I need to pick my battles. Even more than that, not every battle is one I need to win. There is value in moving forward and leaving things in the past. Sometimes, amid controversy, it is just easier to let go. I now sympathize with those that avoid confrontation better than I do. It does not make someone weak to not speak up–it takes courage and time to reach that point. Time heals many wounds, and I have practiced waiting a situation out instead of immediately being brutally honest. I appreciate the importance of patience, and I can now understand that confrontation may not always be the best approach to conflict.
Overall, instead of diffusing situations and pretending “everything is okay,” I have resolved real issues through honest communication. I have undoubtedly become better at being passive and agreeable at the right times, but nevertheless, I am, at my core, a confrontationist.
Image: Julia Bonanno
