April 10, 2022
Editor: Lexie Meltzer
Artist: Chloe Edwards
Wide eyes. Disbelief. The inevitable exclamation - “Your poor mother!” All reasons why the shy, insecure kid I once was would put my head down when the topic of siblings came up. In my quest to be an “ordinary girl,” hiding the fact that I had 7 older siblings was usually at the top of my priority list. But alas, such a large part of my life seldom stayed secret for long. And while it was never a matter of not loving my brothers and sisters, it took a bit of maturation before I could begin to love the family dynamic that made my life, and ultimately myself, so unique.
Even though nowadays I can embrace my familial fate, I’ve once again found myself shying away from telling people I have 7 older siblings. But it’s no longer the fear of being ostracized holding me back; it’s because my situation is a bit more nuanced than it once was. And since the word “siblings” usually refers to those we share a parent or 2 with, when the question of whether I have any brothers or sisters comes up, a reluctant “7” is how I tend to answer. But for the inquiring minds with a bit more time on their hands, I like to explain that I now have 12.
When my older brother started dating his wife I was only 10 years old. Shortly after, a few of my other siblings followed suit and met their significant others. 10 years, and soon to be 5 marriages later, I now consider myself to have a grand (and perhaps still growing) total of 6 older sisters and 6 older brothers. While some of them have been around over half my life, it’s not the amount of time I’ve known these people that has led me to love them as much as the siblings they’re married to.
All of my in-law’s have put in a special effort to know and love me as a younger sister in ways that I’ve always appreciated, but have only recently begun to recognize as such. They never shied from bringing me along - always making me feel welcome whether it be lunch, a movie, basketball games, bowling, pottery painting - just about anything and everything. By consciously including me in their life, they quickly became active participants in mine. It’s impossible for me to think of any of them as simply my sibling’s boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife. Because as they became my friends, confidants, and role models, they simultaneously became my family.
These people might be my brothers’ and sisters’ soulmates, but they’re my soul siblings. Somewhere between the family I was born into and the chosen family I consider my friends to be, they’re the family that’s been chosen for me.
And I must mention that it comes as no surprise that the siblings my parents gave me have found themselves in relationships with such incredible people. Although I grew up grappling with feelings of isolation from peers for my uncommon upbringing, there have always been at least 7 people at my side. It was the unwavering love, support, and guidance from each of them that first taught me how to embrace my family for its size, rather than despite it. Today, it is that same love, support, and guidance, now being amplified by the siblings who have married into my life, that continue to teach me how to embrace myself to the fullest.
While society may try to define our families for us there’s no correct way to do so, as long as you’re doing it in the way that feels most authentic to you. So, I say this with all of my heart and whichever interpretations of the 2nd word you find yourself celebrating today:
Happy Siblings Day!