April 18, 2022
Editor: Tabitha Dickinson
Artist: Sydney Payton
For many of my closest friends, their teenage years were defined by their love interests. They had their first kisses, first crushes, and first relationships. When I look back on my own high school experience, however, no images containing any sort of defining romance resurface. I’ve never had a boyfriend, and I certainly cannot say anyone has ever told me they love me—in a non-platonic way, at least. This reality is something I’ve struggled to grapple with for a great deal of time. Over these past few months, however, I’ve started to value the skills that being perpetually single has taught me.
I’ve never been someone who walks into a room and has a boy ready to wait on me hand and foot; I’ve never woken up to a “good morning” text from anyone other than my mother, and I’ve never known the pain of longing for someone you wish you were physically closer to. No one has ever given me a Valentine’s day present, and I’ve never been taken on a date. Reading this you might think to yourself; wow, what a lonely loser this girl is. I’m not going to lie, this is exactly the view I held of myself for almost my whole adolescent life.
That was, until I had a long and insightful conversation with some of my best friends sitting at our kitchen table. Yes, I would love to have someone providing me with affection and constantly reassuring me of my worth - who wouldn’t? However, I have since reflected on this hopeless romantic attitude. Since I’ve never been reliant on my self worth stemming from another person, I’ve learned to instill it into myself; I am my own biggest champion. Sure, this self-love is supplemented by platonic adoration from my closest friends and family, but at the end of the day, no one will love someone who doesn’t yet love themself.
It’s been a work in progress, but over time I’ve learned how to encourage myself and constantly remind my own brain that I matter. I can confidently walk into any room alone and have meaningful conversations with those around me without fear that I don’t have a supplementary support cushion outside of my own head. In case you forgot, personality counts for a great deal in the eyes of others, and I force myself to remember that I am as talkative as a person can be.
Maybe no boy is texting me that I look beautiful in my Instagram post, but I choose to provide that praise for myself. I look at old pictures and remind myself of who I once was, and where I am now. I am not the awkward looking, mid-puberty girl whose body was completely unproportionate anymore. I am nearing 20 years old, and I’ve finally grown into my body, my face, and learned to be comfortable with looking at myself in the mirror and picking out my favorite parts of my reflection.
Maybe no one is treating me to a fancy dinner, but I can rally my friends to a fun girls meal where we all split the check. Maybe I am not the exclusive provider of emotional support for anyone in a romantic sense, but I’ve come to pride myself on being a listening ear and advice giver for my closest friends. Just because their reliance on me isn’t platonic does not mean it doesn’t hold great value. And maybe I can’t be someone else’s “person” until I have taken better care of myself. Perhaps the greatest joy comes from within. Maybe once I foster the love I am meant to have for myself with greater care, I’ll be ready to give a piece of me to someone else. Until then, I am content spending days with friends, family, and most importantly with my own positive thoughts.
So, the next time you’re scrolling through Tik Tok and are confronted by several scrolls worth of happy couples and wondering why that can’t be you, shift your focus onto the love you can provide yourself with. Maybe from the outset it looks like a lonely life, but it’s one full of confidence, determination, and self-love. At the end of the day, no one’s life revolves around you in the way that your own does. So make the best of it, and remind yourself that you matter. If you don’t know your own worth, how will anybody else?