December 15, 2021
Editor: Lexie Meltzer
Artist: Sydney Newman
In 5th grade I learned what grades were. I was taught that 93% and higher was an A, and that’s what I should strive for. So, every project that I had to do, I would work for hours for one reason only: to get above a 93%. I was so brainwashed, even in fifth grade, to achieve perfection. For one project, I had to create a diorama...well, I didn’t have to create it because it was technically a paper, but I thought making a three dimensional scene along with my paper would really promise me a 100%. I got an 85%. Yes, I still remember the exact percentage. I went home and cried (a lot), slammed my door and refused to talk to anyone in my house, and even refused to make eye contact with my teacher for at least a week. This was the start of my obsession with numbers.
From grades, to calories, to price tags, to weight on the scale, we are subconsciously letting numbers run out lives. It’s as if we don’t have any control over our emotions; the numbers are constantly being pushed into our heads, completely uninvited, yet we allow their power to overtake us as we seek external validation for our progress, for our happiness, and for our well-being.
Last year, I looked at the number on the scale as if it defined me. If the number didn’t go down, I was simply failing. The number tore down who I was -- ripped me away from my true goals, confidence, and personality. Some fleeting light within me wanted to throw the scale out, but I didn’t have the courage to stand up to the numbers; the addiction of gratification when the numbers told me I was doing something right was too strong.
Why’re we letting numbers tell us how we should feel? Why do we need a 100% to feel smart or a smaller number on the scale to feel pretty? The problem isn’t rooted in the numbers themselves: the problem is rooted in how society has taught us to react to these numbers. The scale was created to measure your relationship with gravity, and grades were made so that teachers and professors could provide feedback to students. None of these measurements measure your worth. You will not be remembered by what you got on the ACT or what size dress you wore at prom. What you will be remembered for is your presence, your impact, your unique, glorious self, and how it makes others feel. All numbers aside. So, if numbers in your life control how you treat yourself, stop looking.