March 30, 2022 

Editor: Carolyn Berryman
Artist: Julia Pignatella

I’ve been codependent on others for as long as I can physically stretch my memory back in life. Growing up with my twin brother, Parker, alongside me always, I was codependent with someone from the moment I came into this world. We grew up sharing the same classroom, same friendships, and created all of the same memories — we did absolutely everything together. This close-knit relationship is where my codependency began, but it’s definitely not where it ended.

I’ve always been one of those people that had a best friend or a significant other that they do everything with. It always seemed easier in my mind to go about the scary things in life with someone else, and not just by my lonesome. I tried to break free of this cycle coming into college, as I always heard it was the time you should ‘be alone’ and ‘find yourself,’ but after meeting someone just a few weeks into school, this plan was quickly shut down.

Now, here I am, almost halfway done with my second semester of sophomore year, and facing, for the first time, the reality of independence. I’m also sure I’m not the only one in this boat, as it’s quite easy to rely on codependency throughout the beginning years of college. Your freshman year, you get to struggle with the oddness of navigating a new school with your roommate, and sophomore year most get to live with their friends who they do everything with.

I feel as though I have never truly begun to know myself inside and out and love myself to my fullest extent because I was always used to someone doing it for me.

So this upcoming season, I’ve made it a goal to make my life all about flying solo, finding myself, and am hoping to learn new things to love and cherish about myself along the way. It sounds simple, of course, but there's a lot that goes into finding a new sense of independence, especially when never having faced it before. 

It sounds easy, but it’s definitely not, because knowing where to start and how to keep going with the changes you are making are two very hard things. Here are a few tips I wish someone had told me before beginning this journey and that have helped me greatly along the way:

1. Think of yourself first ALWAYS

• It’s so easy to first think of what others may feel or think about an action you plan to do before you even do it, so it is important to try to slowly condition your mind to put yourself first when going about life.

  2. Practice self-love/do the things you love EVERY day

• Do the little things—and the big things when necessary—that make you happy, and try to do them by yourself, enjoying the company of you and you only. For me, two of my self-love activities include attending SoulCycle classes in the mornings and going to a local shop for a matcha or a juice.

  3. Don't be afraid to set boundaries

• Time alone is completely valid and necessary for independent growth. Set aside hours away from your friends, roommates, significant others, etc., and don’t feel afraid to let them know why you need this time in order to help yourself grow. Try to unplug during this time alone, to.

  4. Journal about literally everything.

• This one kind of speaks for itself, but your journal is a place that you can rant to—that won’t talk back or offer you advice you might not want to hear just yet. Use your pen and paper to write down both goals and achievements you have reached towards independence, and celebrate those accomplishments when they occur. 

With a new season full of warmer weather and happiness approaching, it’s a perfect time for a perspective shift on life. And if your shift happens to be into a new, more independent life as well, hop on the train and let’s find our way together!