December 29, 2021

Editor: Haley Gagerman

Artist: Emily Veguilla

A long while back, back when I wore my hair in a side part and had just been introduced to eyeliner and other various types of makeup, I was...how do I say this? An egregious emotional mess? Honestly, I was a bit of a wreck mentally and incredibly dramatic, which quickly became quite a destructive combination. The point of that anecdote is that I was unnecessarily mean to myself, all of the time. My head swarmed with insults and lies, things that I would never dare to say to someone else. So why was I saying them to myself? How could I change this toxic mindset? Because trust me, it was not good for anyone and there was no need for me to know how to do perfect winged eyeliner at age 12. 

I think, subconsciously, I realized that ‘emo’ wasn’t a good look for me and I needed a change. I had to take a serious look at where these negative thoughts were stemming from and behave accordingly. Which apps brought me down when I used them? When I hung out with someone, were they draining me of my energy or refuelling my energy? Which foods make me feel the best? What type of content from the media was I absorbing? I began thinking about all of this. The first step I took was to take some time cultivating my Instagram. I followed less surface-level influencers and, instead, followed pages centered on Manifestation and our energy. I began learning about Angel Numbers and the Law of Attraction. I focused on the things that brought me joy and the people who gave me energy. I am on a personal journey and anyone else can be damned! Now, I’m not out here actually condemning anyone but, I have embarked on a journey. And while on this journey, I have realized that it’s alright to put myself first every once in a while. I owe myself a little love, she’s gotten me to a pretty good place thus far. 

So, imagine this. I’m in my girl-boss mindset, romanticizing my life by pretending I'm the main character while walking down the boardwalk a few summers back. It’s sunset, the lighting is that perfect misty gold color, my hair looks FANTASTIC (which is a rare occasion when by the beach), and I’m feeling great. I was doing great. Then, a bird pooped on my new jacket. This isn’t the funny part. The funny part is that I walked around all night long unaware that there was bird poop on my jacket. I rode rides and tried to talk to cute boys, with bird poop dripping down my right sleeve. As you can imagine, the people I was with thought it was hilarious. I did not--at least initially. I’m sitting down on some slightly sticky bench, wearing a jacket dripping with bird sh*t, going over every remedy and chemical I can think of to get the stain out when I hear someone go, “You know, bird poop is actually a sign of good luck.” Of course, my original thought was that it was the least creative lie I had ever heard. A phone was shoved in my face and some article was pulled up listing different signs of good luck. Ladybugs were another example. Now, back to the jacket. Telling myself that I had just been doused with good luck seemed to be a much better spin than telling myself that some random bird had chosen to poop on me, so that’s the story I stuck with. 

It sounds a bit silly, but small, goofy changes like that can accumulate into something monumental. A tiny shift in mindset can completely revolutionize the way that we think. Something as smelly and gross as being sh*t on, doesn’t seem that bad.