For me, the hardest feeling while growing up was when I felt like an outsider, or like I didn’t belong — the growing pit in my stomach as I sat in the cafeteria, surrounded by laughter but not getting the joke. I recognized through all of the noise that the sinking feeling in my heart meant that while I was never really alone, it was really easy to feel lonely. I was determined to never feel like that again, and made it my personal mission to be friends with everyone; that way, I would never miss out on a joke, or a movie, or a group-hang again. 

And then I got to college. I grew up, but the fear of being the odd one out somehow seeped into everything that I did. 

Everyone around me was in the same boat, a freshman at a new school, ready for new beginnings and eager for new friendships. Once again, I went out of my way to try and connect with people. The conversations flowed and I filled my time talking to people, so that all too familiar lump in my stomach from my adolescence would stay away. My peers were just as lost as I was, and we bonded through our mutual understanding that college fosters friendships that last for life. 

And then I got to Michigan. I transferred schools after spending a year making new connections, and left those people behind for a new adventure. I always knew that something was missing from my college experience after that first year, that something wasn’t right, and truly believed that a change of scenery would be just what I needed. I was excited for a new beginning, new friendships, a new life for myself. For the start of my “golden-years.” I was confident that I would belong at Michigan, that my last school wasn’t the right fit for me, and I was going to make the best out of the situation. But no one ever told me that the first semester after transferring would be the loneliest I’ve ever felt.

I expected that transferring would be easy and that once I did it, everything would fall into place. When it actually came down to it, nothing about it was what I was expecting, and I had no idea why it was so hard to ditch the imposter syndrome feeling that lingered with me since elementary school. I felt like I didn’t belong at Michigan, and that I ultimately didn’t deserve to be here because of how out of place I felt. Everyone around me was seemingly so successful, used to the rigor of classes and having already developed a community of people who they could turn to when the going got tough. They had a year to develop their place at Michigan, and I was jealous I never got that. The loneliness was overwhelming, and I spent the first month in Ann Arbor visiting my friends at other schools every weekend just to feel like I belonged somewhere. 

And then that comfort faded with time. My old friends and relationships moved forward, and I was stuck at an impasse between moving on and being stuck in the past. 

Needless to say, transferring was really hard for me. On top of coming to an entirely new school, I entered into a whole group of already established people with their own lives and college memories that I missed out on for an entire year, or more. First semester was a blur of trying to maintain friendships from my old life while simultaneously trying to connect with new people at Michigan. It felt like I was the only one struggling with all the difficulties that came with transferring, despite more than 1,200 transfer students coming to Michigan each year. Why did I feel like it was a burden for me to carry and me alone? Being a transfer student isn’t easy, but realizing you’re not alone is the first step in embracing your new surroundings. So many people are going through exactly what I was going through, and I realized that even though it didn’t always feel like it, I was part of a community of people that had the same feelings and struggles as I did. 

One day, I woke up and decided I wasn’t happy with being unhappy anymore. I joined clubs that I was passionate about, talked to people that made me feel good about myself, and let go of the expectations and the pent up feelings I had towards Michigan. I stopped letting my fear of being alone isolate me further. The nostalgia of my past no longer holds me back from finding my place here and now. I’m not just a transfer student, I am a student at the University of Michigan, and the pit in my chest telling me I don’t belong has gotten smaller with time. If I could go back, I honestly wouldn’t change a thing. Embracing change, loneliness, and facing your fears is easy to shy away from, but confronting these trials is the only way through, and you'll thank yourself for it in the future.