December 8, 2021

The other day, I watched How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days for the first time with my friends. Watching rom coms from the early 2000s is fun for me for two reasons: one, because they’re cheesy and I’m a sucker for a good romantic trope, and two, because the world of sex and dating in these movies feels so far removed from the hookup culture that dominates college today. I watch these movies with wide eyes as characters ask one another on dates to the movies or to dinner or to the town fair. There’s questions of timing—of when to kiss for the first time and of whether or not to have a five date rule before sleeping together. Person A meets Person B. They go on a first date. They hit it off. They begin a relationship. They have sex. Some sort of conflict ensues. They make up and live happily ever after. 

College demands a more casual, unattached approach to sex and relationships. Person A meets Person B (while drunk at a party). Person A and Person B have sex. Person A and Person B never speak again. Or alternatively, they continue hooking up until one ghosts the other or until they begin dating. Within this culture, it is all too easy to feel like the odd one out, no matter what your stance on hookups is and regardless of whether you choose to have sex casually, choose not to have sex at all, or anywhere inbetween. But there’s no “right” way to lead your sex life, in spite of what The Notebook or your roommate may say. To prove this, I present a diverse collection of first time stories. 

Beginning in a festive fashion, I introduce to you the Holiday Girlies.

Valentines Day:

With my boyfriend in his bed//knew I had to be home early but really wanted to have sex//awesome sex//so worth getting yelled at when I got home//on top the whole time (hi ladybird)

St. Patrick’s Day:

Junior year of high school with a guy I had been talking to//went back to his house with his friends after a party//finished a whole puzzle with his girl friends before he finally asked me to go upstairs with him//sex in his bed//my first time, not his//not good sex//i bled

Easter Sunday:

Easter with my boyfriend//on the basement couch with parents upstairs//on top the whole time (hi ladybird, again)

Anniversary:

One year anniversary with my high school boyfriend//in his bed//surprisingly good sex//kept my shirt on//looked into each other’s eyes and all that

World Travelers:

On vacation in Greece in a literal tanning bed//atrocious UTI for weeks afterwards

On a school organized camping trip in a tent//awful breath from both of us//with a girl I was sort of friends with//bitten by mosquitos on my ass

On a graduation trip with my friends to Europe//with a boy I met in a club in Spain//in the club bathroom//got kicked out of the club

Adventure Lovers:

In a Meijer’s parking lot (kill me now)

After a date party with my date//knocked over his fan//sex did not work at first//left at six am for an imaginary quiz//completely disabled my phone//lost all of my contacts and photos

Spring break sophomore year of college//in a cabana at the resort//she definitely faked an orgasm//did not fake it well

Best Friends:

At my best friend’s house for a “sleepover”

With my best friend at her house//both of our first times//did not go smoothly at first//she cried//we agreed to never speak of it again//still best friends

With my brother’s best friend during one of their sleepovers//amazing//I saw God//played my best friend’s brother by Victoria Justice for days on end//still in love with him

And to close, my personal favorite account:

When I lost my virginity f*cking “Beautiful Crazy” by Luke Combs was playing in the background, like repeating over and over, and it sucked.