December 6, 2021

I am a big planner. Before bed every night, I make an hourly schedule for the next day. I allot time for even the most monotonous activities, such as showering. Making these schedules gives me peace of mind, and makes me feel at ease knowing I have control over something. I often realize that this control is imagined, though. Things come up, conversations drag on, Ubers arrive late, and that is okay! I have had to teach myself that it isn't worth getting worked up over these external factors. I will get done what I need to, in some way. I can’t let this motivation turn into obsession. 

Especially in a college setting, it is so easy to fall into the trap of obsessing over productivity. Some people do it for the aesthetic, some for the serotonin of feeling accomplished, and some due to impractical work habits. I have recently been struggling to find the balance between work and play. 

This year especially, now that classes are in person, I find myself with much less free time. This has forced me to perfect the art of time management, which is a very difficult thing to do. Michigan students pride themselves on the “work hard, play hard” ethic, but I believe it’s not that simple.

I find myself working nightly until midnight, with very little wiggle room for self care time. When I choose to end a work night before midnight, I am left with residual guilt, resenting myself for not reaching my full potential of productivity. Upon feeling this way, I have to remember not to be too hard on myself, and to prioritize my mental health. Otherwise, I spread myself too thin, and am not even able to accomplish anything that I set out to do. 

I would tell myself, “Once I finish x, y, and z, I can do a, b, c.” This goal-setting tactic is unrealistic and unhealthy. Rest and relaxation are not something that needs to be earned. In order to maintain stable mental health and be a highly functioning human, you must unlock the ultimate balance of rest and work. 

Some days, being productive looks like waking up early, exercising, completing a full morning routine, having a full day of classes, going to the library, and falling asleep by midnight. Others, being productive looks like sleeping in late, lazily watching TV in bed for hours, ordering takeout, and watching a rom-com. My point here is that being productive means different things for different people on different days- and that is okay! That is beautiful. It's essential we recognize what our body, and more importantly our brain, needs on different days. It's entirely circumstantial. 

Being at a prestigious institute, it's easy to get caught up in the competitiveness of academics, social life, boys, and even body image. After a lot of trial and error, I have learned that at the end of the day, what matters is my happiness and how I make other people feel. We were not born to ace a test, or to maintain a size 24 waist. We were born to live, to love, and to enjoy this life. 

Our mind is a sacred space, the only space we are left alone with for the entirety of our lives. Don’t let artificial things shield you from what’s important. Yes, it is great to have priorities and motivations and goals, but don’t let it consume you. Once you are able to discover what you need to make yourself happy at any given moment in time, you are unbeatable. It is okay to take a break. It's okay to put aside your homework, get into bed with some ice cream and a good movie. 

Because how are you supposed to do good anywhere if you can't do good in your own mind?