From Pressure to Pause
February 28th, 2025
Photo: Libby Zufi
Writer: Anushi Varma
Editor: Samantha Luper
Bear with me: In a science class, I once learned that to increase the speed of a fluid, you had to increase the pressure. Take a hose, for example, if you pinch the nozzle, you increase the pressure, and the fluid comes out at a faster velocity than the unpinched nozzle. I also started to think about pressure beyond science. When I thought about high-pressure situations, like finals season, my life felt slower, not faster, after the pressure had been applied. Post-exams, I always felt a little empty. For about 3-4 months I had been used to the same schedule: wake up early, work before class, go to class, work after class, sleep. All that work and routine suddenly went away following exams, and I found myself in my hometown, a little unsure of what to do with myself.
Recently, I took my entrance exam for medical school, something I had been studying for about six months. After the exam, I felt relieved but unsettled. Honestly, I didn’t know how to use my newfound time, and worse, I felt bad using my free time on myself. Sure, it was great not having exams, but I felt like I was missing a purpose to work towards. Especially at a university like Michigan, where hard work, commitment, and dedication are so valued, I felt unproductive not working towards something.
Unfortunately, my rigid routine had become so ingrained in my being that I couldn’t shake myself out of it. I lost track of my hobbies, like playing the piano and catching up on my favorite sitcoms. Free of deadlines, I felt uncomfortable just scrolling through my phone on social media as this lingering feeling of tension quietly flooded my body. Then, I realized just how unproductive my lifestyle had become: in an attempt to be the most productive student I could be, I had overlooked the parts of me that truly define who I am, trapping myself in a never-ending, robotic cycle of studying that stripped me of my autonomy.
I can’t say there’s an easy solution to finding peace in the time you have for yourself. The routine we put ourselves in at school is hard to break like an addiction, and it’s not always comfortable feeling free when we have time away from school. After my medical entrance exam, I tried to forget about flashcards, leaning into my deepest impulse to just live. I went out for dinner, caught up with friends, bought clothes, cooked new foods, and made travel plans, all while trying to ignore my discomfort with not doing work. I learned that amidst my fun and relaxation, the world kept spinning, and I always had a purpose to follow. A purpose to learn how to cook something new, a purpose to finally buy that sweat set I had been eyeing for so long, a purpose to see people I hadn’t been able to see for months. I reveled in this new freedom because I could feel my true self returning.
I finally felt like a person: someone whose life couldn’t be controlled by textbooks and essays, but rather by her willpower. I remind myself that I am much more than a student. After all, I came into this world as a living, breathing, growing human being, not a laptop-typing, color-coding baby. I know that later in my life, I will hate to look back and see myself hunched over a desk, downing energy drinks while ignoring the excitement that exists outside of my notes. So, I step away from my desk, lean into my discomfort, and nurture my mind and body because it is what we all deserve to do.
