How to Become an Epic Conversationalist
January 20, 2023
Author: Chloe Zeldin
Editor: Alexandra Vena
As a college student, I find that much of my day is consumed by conversations. Whether it is with my classmates, friends, professors, or the cashier who takes my Starbucks order everyday, my days are usually dominated by verbal interactions. I believe conversations are an art form. Conversations can impact people heavily. A conversation can make or break somebody’s day, change somebody’s mind… the possibilities are endless. However, participating in conversations does not come naturally to everyone; and let’s be real, not every person is easy to talk to. I have come to recognize that conversations are an art form, and much of your success in life comes from your ability to have memorable and productive conversations. Conversations open doors. They mark the beginnings of friendships, spark romantic endeavors, land you in your dream job, and enable you to learn about yourself and others. This is why it is important to master this art form. With that, I present a comprehensive guide entitled How to Become an Epic Conversationalist.
Listen to Learn
This may seem like a given, but I mean this in a very intentional way. Your goal during a conversation should always be to listen to hear. Sometimes, it is easy to listen as preparation to just respond. Every person can admit that they have sometimes listened to what somebody has said solely so they can respond and get a word in. But, what if you listen to really hear them? What if you listened to learn? When you are listening just to respond, the conversation will feel more transactional. But, if you are listening to hear and learn, your curiosity will compel you to ask meaningful questions that will enrich the conversation and enable it to flow more naturally. Planning what you will say ahead of time inhibits the potential of a conversation.
Lean into curiosity
Open-ended questions are your best friend. Going off of what I said in my previous section, oftentimes when somebody is sharing information, your brain will naturally curate further questions. Ask them. However, this does not always happen, and that is okay. This is where you need to step into an intentionally curious mindset. This may seem very middle school-esque, but bear with me for a second. Who, what, when, where, why. These words, also known as “The Five W’s” will almost always lead you to an interesting question to ask, if intrinsic curiosity is failing. Asking somebody questions makes them feel that you are really interested in them, and that you are really listening. Without leaning into curiosity, conversations drag and hit walls.
PAUSE.
This is an underrated tip– pause before speaking! When somebody says something to you, you do not have to immediately respond! Silences do not always have to be awkward. Taking a pause before answering does two important things. First of all, it genuinely gives you a moment to think of something thoughtful to say. Second of all, it shows the other person you are genuinely listening to them and that you are fully invested in the conversation and what they have to say.
Use Your Body
Sometimes, much more is said through body language and facial expressions than words themselves. Albert Mehrabian, a researcher of body language, found that 55% of communication is nonverbal. This shows how important it is to be conscious of more than just the words coming out of your mouth. Be conscious of your facial expressions. Are you making eye contact? Body language can be key to appearing interested in what somebody has to say. It also is a great indicator of if you are listening and even helps you stay engaged. Nodding your head at appropriate times is a great example of this.
At the end of the day, being an epic conversationalist is an invaluable skill, and the conversations themselves are truly art. Art makes people feel things. Words thoughtfully strung together to reach a person in an intentional, or possibly unintentional way. The underlying connotations of phrasing and tone, the hand placed on a thigh during a moment of silence that slowly seeps into a conversation when it gets too heavy for mouths to be doing all of the talking, the warmth felt inside of souls during the punchline of an inside joke… it is all so intricate and human. Conversations have the power to transform relationships and change people’s feelings.
If there is one thing I would like you to take away from this look into conversations, it is this– be the person that is interested in everyone, and everything they have to say. Be the one that makes people feel like the most interesting person on the planet. Be the person that responds genuinely and empathetic to others. Be someone that recharges other peoples’ batteries. And most importantly, be a person who understands the value and potential of conversations and uses it to better themselves and the world.
