Sorry, I Had My Headphones In
January 15, 2023
Author: Molly Fischman
Editor: Ava Tomlin
Despite the University of Michigan housing around 44,800 students, all I can hear is my music. My playlists mask any outside noise; Taylor Swift, Bruce Springsteen, and even Hamilton create the soundtrack for my walk to class. Each morning when I leave for class, I throw on my backpack and pop in my earbuds—it has become second nature.
About a week ago, I lost my left AirPod. The worst thing about AirPods is how easy they are to lose. However, I have been lucky enough to make it through the past year and a half in Ann Arbor never having lost one—until last week.
While it sounds silly, headphones are a massive part of the culture on campus. Walking around the Diag, it is almost impossible to see someone walking without technology in their ears. Like the general population, I constantly keep my AirPods in my pocket. Whether I am walking from class-to-class, or back to my house, I make sure to have a constant source of entertainment. The minute my class is over, my hand reaches for the little white case. Now, without my headphones, I felt almost naked. Instead of hearing my favorite artists' vocals during my walks, I focused on listening to the leaves crackle beneath my feet and the sound of the bus coming to a stop.
This led me to think more deeply about why I felt the need to constantly listen to something. Finally, I concluded: I cannot silence the world around me, but more than that, I cannot tune out myself. I never really noticed before losing my headphones, but I would turn my music up so loud that it canceled out the environment I was walking in. Before, I thought music was just for my enjoyment, but I began to realize that I use my headphones to avoid being alone with my thoughts.
I would distract myself from the stress of schoolwork or my social life by clicking the Spotify app. I avoided awkward run-ins and conversations with people because I had my AirPods in (code for “don’t stop and talk, just wave”). Thus, they would serve as armor shielding me from social interaction, since acquaintances or distant friends would assume I am busy. While my earbuds are great for doing homework and studying, they became a way to exit reality and dissociate from the things I didn’t want to think about or do.
Even though my missing AirPod messed up my routine, it made me more present in my daily life. I noticed my surroundings more and took in views of the trees and architecture around campus. Additionally, I paid more attention to people; I would smile at strangers and started to not avoid those run-ins in the Diag. Taking out my headphones allowed me to realize that I didn’t need to distract myself from my thoughts constantly. I became able to live in the moment more. It is okay to just listen to the sounds of the world, and even more than that, it is okay to be in silence.
