More Than Motherhood
February 19, 2024
Writer: Emily Arker
Editor: Olivia Richie
I was raised by a woman who has demonstrated the idea that “a mother’s love knows no bounds” throughout my entirety. I don’t take this for granted— I’m incredibly fortunate not only to have a present mother, but a caring and supportive one. My mom and I have an amazing relationship, doubling as familial and friendship— she’s a trustworthy friend whom I go to for just about everything. However, like most mother-daughter relationships, ours has not always been quite as communicative and harmonious as it is now.
As the first child, my mom and I spent lots of time together as the two of us; she called me her “buddy.” Over the years, my mom parented me to the best of her abilities— and did so admirably. She instilled values in me, set my perspective straight, and raised me with patience. Although we loved each other immensely when my teenage years arrived, certain issues that we fought over and didn’t quite see eye to eye on started to present themselves— suddenly my "buddy" was someone who I started to resent at times. I’m responsible and self-sufficient, so I never had to be nagged to do homework or clean my room. However, I dreaded Sundays, because those were the days my parents would drag me to a school gymnasium to watch my siblings’ intramural sports games. I also wasn’t allowed to wear the tight bodycon dresses and 6-inch heels that my friends wore on the weekends, which constantly made me feel insecure about my appearance. Specific circumstances like these, along with the inability to appreciate one another's perspectives, introduced negativity into our relationship and caused arguments— we just simply couldn’t understand each other's viewpoints.
My perspective wasn’t that my mom wanted me to feel frustrated. Rather, I just couldn't understand her side at all. When I went to a party, and my friends were wearing revealing outfits, I felt that they automatically had a leg up on the “hotness scale”, as if I was invisible to boys. I couldn’t understand how wearing an “inappropriate dress” affected anything except my confidence. I didn't get why I had to wake up at 10:00 am to watch my brother play Little League when he wouldn't remember my attendance himself, no less the game.
However, as I evolved into an adult, I developed a new sense of maturity. I now have a mindset similar to my mother’s and find myself becoming increasingly similar to her every day. Our thinking patterns are aligned and we agree on most viewpoints. With this grown-up perspective, my mom has begun to appreciate my reasoning better as well. There’s a mutual sense of respect, which has been incredibly impactful on our relationship: I call her daily, whether it’s just to hear her voice, rant about something bothersome, or seek advice. Over the time I’ve spent at college, I’ve told my mom more than a 13-year-old me ever would have imagined I’d share with her. Today, I can safely say that my mother is my ultimate best friend and “buddy.”
Now, I understand the reasoning behind her parenting decisions. Wearing a dress that barely covers your butt is inappropriate — I understand now why my mother preferred I didn’t leave the house like that. I’m glad I attended those Little League games because I now know it’s the smaller moments that matter the most in the long run. Last month, I was excited to go watch my now 13-year-old brother attempt to make a basket in a sweaty school gym. And it goes both ways— my mom provides relatable advice on my relationship and friendships and allows me to confide in her as a friend just as much as she does in me.
I am so grateful to have a mother who stuck by me through ups and downs, and who built a mother-daughter relationship that evolved into a friendship with respect, appreciation, and love. Mom, I have no clue how I would navigate life without you. Thank you for shaping me into the person I am today, I love you.
