Family as a Feeling
February 9, 2024
Writer: Margot Barrera
Editor: Tessa Tacoma
A quick Google search defines a family as “a group of one or more parents and their children living together as a unit.” Given my wide network of family spread across the country, pinpointing one definition is an impossible task. Fortunately, family wasn't a concept I had to learn; it’s something I've always felt.
My mother used to declare weekend days as “forced family fun.” Ironically, there’s rarely anything forced about my family finding ways to enjoy each other's company. Forced family fun has manifested itself into simple traditions of takeout sushi and Selling Sunset, dog walks from pier to pier, and introducing our dad to the Taylor Swift song of the week and collectively convincing our mom she's the greatest artist of our generation. These are the pastimes I miss the most while away from home.
The limited notion of shared residency doesn’t define our family unit of five. Instead, it’s defined by how my sisters and I invite each other on diet coke outings only ten minutes after battling about clothes, how I get mad at my parents for nagging when they call me out for not responding to texts, though I know behind the annoyance is the fact they simply care. My family is defined by these little moments of pleasant randomness and niche humor, unfavorable moments of argument, and everything in between.
Alternative definitions of the word family suggest its meaning can be extended to all descendants of a common ancestor. To not include the multitude of aunts, uncles, and cousins on both sides of my family in the definition of family almost feels like a betrayal to the wide network of relatives who would do anything for me. Whether it be the cultural values of my Hispanic and Irish roots that have ingrained the importance of family in my life or the fact that we all love being in each other’s company, my relatives have always taken priority in my life.
Significant barriers exist between my cousins and me, including our geographical locations and age gaps. Yet, despite these differences and busy lives that don’t allow us to text and call each other daily, an intangible and unspoken closeness keeps us together. I like to attribute this closeness to the homes of my Aunt Mary and Grandma in Toledo, Ohio, which serve as the home base for the Gray side of the family. Meanwhile, my Aunt Monica’s house in Austin, Texas, keeps the Barrera side coming back for reunion after reunion. Sure, the physical walls of these homes give us a space to reconnect, but the feeling within prompts us to revel in each other’s company.
While Toledo may not be a hot tourist destination, all-too-predictable Christmas Hallmark movies and the chance to look through Grandma’s wedding picture book keep the Grays coming back for more. When returning to Texas, the Austin City Limits Music Festival is as good an excuse as any for a cousins' reunion. Yet, beyond the excitement of boho outfits and band lineups, Aunt Monica’s queso–sure to be warm and ready 24/7–prompts us to crowd around that round kitchen table. It’s easy to call these people my family because we all fit into the same (very large) family tree. But what makes them family is the love we feel for each other despite the distance.
When I left for school, I had to expand what family meant. I no longer shared a wall with my younger sister, whose room I could barge into without notice. Instead of going upstairs to debrief my day with my parents, I relied on scheduled FaceTime calls in accordance with time changes and busy schedules. If family is defined as members of a household or belonging to a unit, then what was I doing a lengthy plane ride away from mine?
In my three semesters here, I’ve found friends I can rely on, like my sisters at home. I pridefully think of my apartment this year as the hub for catching up and connecting with my friends, mirroring how my aunts’ homes are the meeting places for our extended family gatherings. Though it feels crazy to adjust the definition of family for these friends, I didn’t know just three semesters ago, it’s because of them I call Ann Arbor my home away from home.
