The Space
October 23, 2023
Author: Molly Fischman
Editor: Carly Schneider
“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves” — Viktor Frankl
There are only so many things in life we, as humans, can control. I know the phrase “everything happens for a reason” gives many comfort, but for me, these words instill a helpless feeling as my life seems to spiral out of my control. . It felt like somebody was pulling my life's strings, dictating my every move and reaction.
In the middle of my Freshman year, for the first time in my life, I experienced a deep sadness and constant anxiety. As a generally happy and reflective person, I found this deeply troubling. Embarrassed about these foreign feelings, I resorted to ineffective coping mechanisms of wallowing and constantly feeling sorry for myself. I replayed the challenging circumstances in my head a million times constantly wondering, how could this happen to me? I felt nearly every emotion on the spectrum — sadness, anger, and fear all plagued my mind and forced me to question my own self-worth. After a miserable January, I realized I couldn't go on like that anymore. On February 1st, I booked my first therapy appointment and committed to changing my perspective and myself.
Life inevitably brings difficult situations that test our character. Maybe it’s a rejection that makes you feel inadequate, a breakup that leaves you heartbroken, or an argument that hurts your pride. In these painful moments, how we choose to respond defines us. Will we spiral into despair? Or, will we process the grief while moving forward with purpose? The space between event and reaction is where our true self lies.
As much as I can overthink, predict, and plan, life is unpredictable and often unfair, and all of us, myself included, must accept that. I realized that everyone goes through heartbreak, letdowns, and disappointment at some point. However, I want to be the kind of person who can bounce back from tough situations positively and powerfully. Instead of getting stuck in sadness when hard things happen, I want to find ways to respond that make me stronger — I want to find my space.
At the same time, I learned not to judge my negative emotions as “bad” or “wrong,” but rather view them as natural reactions to loss and disappointment. I allow myself to fully feel sadness and anger without shame. Sometimes I am just sad and that is more than okay. But I’m careful not to wallow endlessly; I give myself “my moment,” and try to move on with purpose.
As Frankl once said, we cannot change situations, but only ourselves. I have no hand in what will occur in my life, and I can’t control other people’s words or actions, only my own. When life gets me down — which it will, time and time again — I refuse to just crumble. I want to be able to pick myself up, grow from it, and keep going with empathy. We all face setbacks, but how we handle them and welcome our space is what truly matters.
