Alone Among a Hundred Thousand
October 21, 2024
Writer: Scott Tran
Editor: Caroline Grin
Throughout my time at the University of Michigan, I have spent many Saturdays alone at The Big House. My first Michigan football game as a freshman captivated me with gameday’s rich history, tradition, and pageantry. I still feel the same way today.
As I experienced my undergraduate years, I surprisingly became comfortable attending the games alone. While my friends spent Saturdays grinding on their latest engineering projects, the games were the best way for me to rejuvenate after a demanding week filled with classes, work, and other activities. However, that feeling of comfort dissipated as more and more of my friends graduated.
I began to dread gamedays as they amplified the absence of the two things I value most: friends and fun. As I made my way to the Big House, behaviors I used to not pay much attention to caught my eye: epic beer pong matches, people dancing with drinks at wild tailgates, and friends just walking together. They were all having a good time.
During my first game as a graduate student, I felt alone and socially isolated. When my friends were still students here, I still felt socially isolated at times, but the feelings of loneliness were fleeting. My friends provided me with support and smiles, barricading me from the waves of loneliness I felt during tough times. The barricade has vanished since they have been gone, and The Big House felt as lonely as me. I was struggling and could barely stay afloat to enjoy gameday’s and all they have to offer - but I was fighting.
Determined to figure it out, I realized I had to either eliminate my loneliness or live with it a little longer on campus. I felt both emotionally and socially lonely. I felt emotionally lonely because my friends had moved on to busy postgraduate lives, leaving me feeling disconnected from them. I felt socially lonely because I didn’t feel a sense of belonging to any group. To put it simply, I felt like an undergraduate in graduate school; I yearned for fun and carefree behavior, but I also knew I had adult responsibilities and was nearing an age where this behavior was no longer acceptable. Being a college student is hard. We’re all trying to make it, and each decision we make almost always necessitates a tradeoff. Given my limited time left on campus, my workload, and my perceived differences, I decided to not only live with the loneliness but also learn and grow from it, accepting it as a part of my journey.
Loneliness can feel both debilitating and purifying. Debilitating in the sense that it makes you feel worthless and unworthy of help. Purifying in the way that it encourages you to look within yourself, which can lead to both peace and new perspectives. The most profound lesson loneliness has taught me is gratitude. When life gets busy and demanding, we sometimes forget to be grateful for the opportunities of the past and for our present state. We have accomplished so much and have endless opportunities to look forward to. Our present position is something to be proud of, and I am grateful for the lessons loneliness has taught me.
As I stand in Michigan Stadium, now adorned with banners proclaiming, “Home of the 2023 National Champions,” I cannot help but think that we are all unique, similar to waves, juggling with the complexity of space and time. Even when we feel like a particle amidst a vast ocean, we are all constructively interfering with one another to make this world a better place. We are not alone. We are together. Even though we might not know each other, we all come together to create something bigger than ourselves: The Big Wave in The Big House. We are Michigan.
To anyone feeling alone and scared, remember that you are so valued, and there are people out there waiting to meet you. All you have to do is smile and wave :)
Image: Zoe Romeu
