Therapist #4
November 4, 2024
Writer: Lily Lev
Editor: Hannah Pitchon
I grew up saying I was “anti-therapy.” Not for others, but for myself. I always envied those who claimed therapy changed their life or they couldn’t go a week without it. I was too scared to try it out of fear of ‘failing.’ Which, looking back, is quite irrational as therapy is probably one of the only things in life that you can’t be good or bad at. There’s no right way to go to therapy or a certain topic you're supposed to talk about. But I was so focused on needing to have the perfect, deep, meaningful conversation with a therapist from the outset, that it prevented me from even being willing to try.
During my senior year of high school, after being hospitalized for an eating disorder, I was forced into therapy. I saw a therapist for the remainder of my senior year until going to college, where I transitioned to a local Ann Arbor therapist, and also tried a session with an online therapist. After all three of these experiences, I came out feeling defeated; rather than having a colossal realization about myself or my inner thoughts, I was simply more stressed because I had ‘wasted’ time that could have been spent doing homework (this was slightly ironic given that a central reason for me attempting therapy was stress management).
I began seeing a “women’s empowerment coach” this past summer after a recommendation from a doctor as a last-ditch attempt to manage my stress. While I went in skeptical, I was instantly drawn to the methods she used and found them to be more action-driven than those I had encountered in traditional therapy. This is not to say that traditional therapy doesn’t work – just that it’s important to find who and what works for you! Throughout my sessions, we focused both on conscious efforts I could make in my daily life and uncovering subconscious limiting beliefs through hypnosis techniques. My coach helped to shape my mindset, incorporate gratitude into my life, and approach hardships from a calmer mental state.
Since this summer, I have seen an exceptional shift in how I view the world and every experience I have. For example, two summers ago, I traveled to Italy with my parents after high school graduation. I vividly remember laying on the beach on a perfect summer day, with no responsibilities, and surrounded by people who cared about me so much, thinking how grateful I should be in that moment for that opportunity and for so many other things in my life. Yet, it felt forced and unnatural, and only sent me into a spiral of “What is wrong with me? Why am I not happy?”. I can compare that experience to fall break this year, when my friends and I went to Houghton Lake, MI, a small lakeside town with little to do besides sit and stare into nature. And yet, on this trip I felt overwhelming appreciation from simply staring at the fall leaves on our drives and taking long walks in the quaint neighborhood. On paper, a trip across the world appears more exciting than a two-hour drive, but my mindset truly dictated my entire experience. Although my entire perspective shift cannot be solely attributed to therapy (I’ve certainly grown and matured in the three years between those two stories), since finding the right person to talk to, I have felt lighter, more content, and more carefree.
Getting the most out of therapy:
Be open! You won’t get anything out of it if you’re resistant to change or someone calling you out for your shit.
Nobody is judging you. Really. I subconsciously held myself back from saying so many things I was feeling out of fear of judgment or because I was unable to fully articulate my thoughts. That is what therapy is for: the jumble of ideas that don’t all make sense in your head at the time.
There is no one way to therapy: A session with the same therapist won’t look the same for any two clients. Feel comfortable bringing any topic into your session that you feel will benefit you.
Anyone can lead: If you have something pressing that you want to discuss, that should be the focus of the session. But it’s also OK to go into a session not having anything specific in mind. Good therapists or coaches will guide you to what feels important to talk about.
Take time to find the right person: It took me until my fourth coach to appreciate the power of therapy and feel real changes in my mindset and actions in my everyday life.
Image: Danielle Bellamy
