Murphy's Law
December 13, 2024
Writer: Cameron Bell
Editor: KayLynn Young
As I sat, shaking with fear and overwhelming sadness in my new therapist's office, a true last attempt at finding someone who understood me, I sank into the brown leather chair thinking to myself, "I can't take this anymore." Suddenly, he made sense of my struggles, saying, "What you are explaining sounds like Murphy's law."
Subsequently, I asked him what this meant, he explained that it was a law of nature stating that anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.
Through my tears that rushed so quickly, I started to feel a migraine come on, I confessed how it feels like I can never catch a break—and when I do, it vanishes as quickly as it comes. Those who know me often joke, 'Of course this happens to Cameron,' but to me, it feels like the universe has made it personal. From silly unfortunate events such as getting the wrong food delivered to me on what feels like every occasion, to more significant, life-altering events such as losing my father and dealing with the plethora of mental health struggles from this trauma, I constantly feel punished by the universe - sabotaging any chance I have to live a fruitful life.
I have been dealt a less-than-ideal deck of cards. Although I am endlessly grateful for my life today and know that I could have made it much worse, it has not been easy and oftentimes, it feels like I am fighting an invisible spirit that just doesn't want to see me succeed. I can't help thinking to myself, "What did I do to deserve this."
After dreadfully going through an extensive list of situations that have not worked out in my favor and explaining my complete burnout caused by this, my therapist took a deep breath and said, "That must be exhausting, to never be at peace." Never in my life have I felt so validated with one sentence, from someone I didn't even know before this 45-minute introductory session.
For years I struggled to identify what was lacking from my life, why I constantly had my guard up and slowly awaited the so-called "curse" to strike once again. But, at that moment, I realized that he was right, I seemed to forget what being at peace felt like.
It feels nearly impossible to see the light in life when it feels like you are constantly being penalized, while simultaneously trying to be the best version of yourself. It frequently feels like no matter how hard I try, or the amount of love I emit to those around me, it will never be enough to break the curse of this law of nature.
A testament, one that I have convinced myself to be true to get through every day, states that one day all of this hardship will feel worth it. Every cry, every moment when I thought I had to give up, will feel worthwhile. One day, fingers crossed, I will become familiar with being at peace, a characteristic I've only known as a child, and think back on these years and acknowledge that I am thankful that I never gave up on myself and continued to build a foundation of success for the future, regardless of what felt like thousands of barriers to doing so.
If you feel similarly to me, know that we will get through this. One day, all of these struggles will be but a distant memory, shaping us into the resilient, multifaceted people we’re meant to be.
Image: Addison Siembieda
