Paradoxing People
December 13, 2023
Writer: Caroline Tully
Editor: Lexie Meltzer
We’re lying to ourselves. We wake up to go to a spin class, practice hot yoga, and go on hot girl walks, but spend Thursday through Saturday nights drinking $5 wells at Rick’s. We’re lying to our friends. When they ghost a guy they're talking to we claim that there’s no problem with it because there was no label on the relationship. But when another guy does the same to her, he’s an asshole. We’re lying to our parents. We talk to our moms for hours on end about every little detail of our lives and text our dads a life update once a week, but we love them both equally.
We’re faced with these hypocrisies day in and day out. It’s these paradoxes that contribute to the complexity that is being a human. It is universally accepted that things are rarely black and white. But what makes the gray area gray?
It is innate for us to be observant of the actions and behaviors of the people around us. We reflect on these findings and start to develop our ideas about their character, morals, and values. As our relationships grow deeper, we simultaneously create an inherent list of expectations and standards. This thought process is how the trending ‘6 Besties Theory’ arose. This theory, coined by Hayes Robison, suggests that we have 6 different friends who serve different purposes in our life: the OG bestie who is rooted in your past, the North Star bestie who accepts you just as you are, the Work bestie who is someone to share the load with, the Good Times bestie who is down for a spontaneous adventure, the Dead Body bestie who you share your darkest secrets and deepest regrets with, and the Seasonal bestie who is going through a similar big life event with you.
This theory highlights the idea that the people we love are not catch-alls. Our relationships with the different people in our lives are hyper-individualist, which is what makes them so special. It is important for us to keep our differing expectations of others in mind to remind ourselves that there cannot be a standardized rubric for love.
The same can be said for the relationship we have with ourselves. As Carrie Bradshaw says, “The most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself.”
We are the greatest observers, reflectors, and developers of our own lives. Thus, we create our own standards for ourselves. However, these rules are ever changing. We play many different roles in our own day-to-day lives. We are an OG bestie and a North Star bestie and a Work bestie and a Good Times bestie and a Dead Body bestie and a Seasonal bestie. We have shifting priorities and with that comes a shift in standards.
We value a healthy lifestyle which is why we work out, but we value having fun with our friends which is why we go out. We know that our friend has a strong character, so we know that they are not a bad person; but we know nothing about the boy who wrongs our friend, so we don’t hesitate to question his character. Our moms care deeply about what is going on in our lives away from home, while our dads may give us space to have a more independent lifestyle. One action or behavior is no better than another. Maybe we’re not liars. Maybe we’re just living our own truths. After all, we are simply paradoxing people.
Image: Jules Bonnano
