Permanent Expression Following Loss: More than Just Black Ink
January 12, 2024
Writer: Cameron Bell
Editor: Carly Schneider
“I’m sure we are taller in another dimension.” This is a lyric in what I would argue to be Frank Ocean's best song, “White Ferrari.” Yet this quote is more just than a lyric to me, but rather something I decided is important enough to have forever inscribed on my body. The phrase “Another Dimension” neatly residing on the right side of my rib cage is a constant reminder of my amazing, gentle, and all-around inspiring late father, Kevin, and the impact he had and will continue to have on my life. My dad loved Frank Ocean just as much, or even more than I do. When he passed away in 2017, I knew that I wanted to live my life for him and honor him in any and all ways possible. In my family culture, tattoos are more than words and pictures depicted on our bodies, but rather messages we hope to keep with us forever. In the case of my “Another Dimension” tattoo, it is more than what meets the eye: this lyric encapsulates how I hope to remember my late father. When I look down at my tattoo, I know that in another, less harsh dimension we are together. It also brings me solace knowing that one day, we will be together and reunite — just in another dimension.
Aside from my “Another Dimension” tattoo, I have one that spells out my dad's initials, “KFB.” Kevin Francis Bell, my father, was my rock and my role model. I strategically placed this tattoo on my outer arm right above my elbow so that it is visible to everybody around me. When people ask me what this tattoo represents, I proudly acknowledge that it is a forever representation of someone whom anyone in this world would have been lucky enough to know, even just in passing.
My mother also inspired my desire to have forever messages on my body, as I have always admired the words and pictures she imprinted on hers. There is one tattoo specifically that has become a motto for my family: “Stronger Together.” When my family experienced trauma in the way we did, it has always been of the utmost importance to stick together, even if we are grieving in our own individualized manner. This tattoo represents our collective strength and resilience as a unit of three strong women in the face of adversity. Shortly after my mom got this tattoo, she gave my sister and me bracelets with the same quote as a reminder that we are stronger as a unit and that as long as we have each other, we will persevere. This is a tattoo I know I will get one day as an ode to my wonderful, strong, and beautiful mother and sister.
The day I turned 18, I knew that all I wanted for my birthday was to get tattoos that would somehow ensure my dad's presence in my life. With loss, especially if you lose someone at a young age, it is easy for the memories of them to fade out with time. This is something I have found to be one of the most challenging parts about losing him. Forgetting his more palpable features, like his laugh, voice, and ocean-blue eyes, leaves me devastated and frustrated. But with tattoos, I can rest assured that my dad is with me through every milestone in my life, whether that be my wedding, graduation, or birthdays. Tattoos are permanent, and while my father’s physical presence is no longer in my life, I have my tattoos to remind me that he will never fully fade from my existence and consciousness.
