February 14, 2022
Editor: Chava Makman
Artist: Julia Pignatella
When I was in the third grade, I received my first Valentine. I tried to hide my blushing cheeks as I leapt into the backseat of my mom’s silver minivan, but was unable to conceal my happiness. My younger sister was squealing beside me, dying to know the story behind my incessant giggling. I held in my hand a purple heart-shaped box, filled with similarly shaped pieces of chocolate. I gripped the cheap plastic container to my chest, never wanting to let go. It was the first time I had felt validated romantically, and no matter how childish I feel looking back on the memory, I can appreciate how special it felt at the time. I had finally been looked at in *that* way - even if the box of chocolate was gifted to me by my carpool buddy who I didn’t feel a particularly strong romantic connection to.
I don’t think I’ve had a valentine since then - not an official one at least - unless you count the bouquet of flowers I receive from my dad every year (if you're reading this, I love you dad). I’ve had short flings, sure, and one brief relationship my junior year of high school, but nothing beyond that. As disheartening as this may feel to me from time to time, especially around this time of year, I have to remind myself that despite not having a significant other, I am surrounded by all different kinds of love every day - forget February 14th.
On second thought, maybe forgetting February 14th altogether isn't the answer. Instead, maybe we should change the narrative of Valentine’s Day. It should be a day that celebrates all kinds of love - the love you share with your family, friends, cousins, and grandparents. A day to celebrate the fact that despite how bleak life can appear from time to time (especially in the midst of a Michigan winter), having people around you that love you unconditionally is one of the most wonderful parts of life. Maybe most importantly, Valentine’s Day should be a holiday to celebrate ourselves. Self-love and appreciation is not easy for me by any means, so I understand the hesitation many may feel. However, as pointless as it may sound at first, the relationship you have with yourself sets the precedent for all other relationships in your life. How can we expect to receive love from a significant other if we can’t love ourselves first? The number of times that I ask myself that question each day is ridiculous.
I know, however, that I’m not the only one who finds the path to self-love to be challenging. Week after week, I stand in sweaty, suffocating fraternity basements and push away the disheartening thoughts that pour into my mind. I can’t help but compare myself to the seemingly perfect people that surround me. Practically every night I go out, I find myself in the same place: a figure in the background, noticing others receiving the attention I so strongly yearn for. However, I have come to learn that relying on other people for validation will never end well. This Valentine’s Day, I hope to begin to find that same validation I crave from others within myself instead.
Feeling truly comfortable in my own skin may seem out of reach to me now, but I know that with time and effort my entire self-image will shift for the better. Once I truly find love for myself, the occasional lonely thought that comes along with being looked past at a fraternity party won’t bother me anymore. Most importantly, I will be able to celebrate Valentine’s Day in a way I never have before: as an uplifting holiday that celebrates the love I have for myself. The truth is, I am surrounded by the most amazing family and friends that I have a feeling this will be the best February 14th yet, significant other or not.
If you take anything away from reading this article, remember this: instead of feeling down this Valentine’s Day, celebrate the love that you have for yourself and those around you. Cherish it all, and don’t let the inevitable pit of nausea fill your stomach as you tap through the seemingly endless loop of “perfect” couples on Instagram. Instead, shut off your phone, put on a movie with your best friends, and eat chocolate from a heart-shaped purple box together. I know that's what I’ll be doing.