February 13, 2022
Editor: Lexi Meltzer
Artist: Sydney Newman
Last year my dad told me there will be no better time in my life to be selfish than there is right now. And that scared me. My whole life up until that point had been lived in fear of coming across as selfish. But as I took the time to ponder his words, I realized he was right. As my status remains a single, full-time college student with a flexible part-time job, his sentiment rings as true now as it did then.
To break it down:
My academics are a commitment that I have to myself. The time I choose to put into my coursework is based solely on the actions I choose to take to educate myself in the way that I see fit. The knowledge I gain, and the degree I am working towards, is ultimately an investment in myself and the impact I choose to make with it.
I have a job, but I'm fortunate enough to have one that stops when I clock out. While my personal responsibilities become those of my office while I’m there, it is only a few hours of my week; the rest can be reserved for whoever and whatever I’d like.
This last one is pretty self-explanatory: I’m single. I have no romantic entanglement that is committing my time to anyone but myself (not to say that your time has to become one with your partner’s, but there are no lines I must draw).
It’s not that these three factors have the ability to take away or devalue the friend and familial commitments, moral obligations, and gut instincts that impel me to put others before myself; rather, my position in life grants me the privilege to choose myself more frequently and freely. Selfishness is always an option and, contrary to what society would like us to believe, it is not always the “wrong” option.
We tend to equate putting our wants and needs first with completely disregarding everyone else's, when it is quite plainly the opposite. We will never be in “adequate shape” to effectively help others if we don’t first take care of ourselves. If your best foot is overworked and stress-fractured, putting it forward won’t get you - or the person you’re trying to carry along - very far.
In other words, too much selflessness manifests itself into the negative connotation of selfishness that we try so hard to avoid. We’ve become inclined to treat ourselves as less than worthy of the love, time, and energy that we put into our relationships with others. If you’re willing to go out of your way and make a stop to your friend’s side of town when you know they've had a bad day, you have to be willing to give yourself that same grace - to say no to obligations that don’t serve you and to make plans for ones that will. Making decisions for the sole reason that they restore our energy will ensure that when the time comes that our energy is called upon for use by someone else, we will have the ability to exert that energy unconditionally and meaningfully to them.
My dad’s statement wasn’t advocating for an over indulgence of selfishness in my twenties, just that I not fear it. That it’s better to get into the habit of practicing acts of selfishness now while the blurred line between choosing myself and choosing others is quite clear. Because while selfishness is a good, necessary part of maintaining the wellbeing of ourselves and our relationships with those around us, there will come days when our actions are more closely intertwined with others, and it will not always be the easiest or most respectful thing to put ourselves first.
So I urge you, whatever your status, to find time to develop selfish habits that push you towards your individual goals. Protect your time and give yourself the love that you inherently deserve, knowing that a healthy you leads to a healthy community of those around you.